Dolly Parton’s Diet Can’t be Beet

DOLLYPARTONBEETS

One of my daughters is an extremely-selective eater. This isn’t news to anyone who has tried to feed her. She is maxed out on the “high maintenance” food plan. With that said, I have her try all foods, while attempting not to fill her head with preconceived notions. Just because I gag with some foods, does not mean that my daughters may not enjoy it. For instance, the last time we were eating at a good ‘ole cowboy steak house, the waiter welcomed us and said, “I’ll be back with your bees.” ... [ Read More ]

Volunteer Police put Folks Under Voodoo Spells

Volunteers

“Excuse me. (tap, tap) Welcome, to the 2015 InsertAnyClubHere meeting. Before we start, I’m going to need a few volunteers.” Crickets chirp. “Where did everybody go?” Does this scenario sound familiar? Whether it’s your child’s school, a society, your church/temple/synagogue, you have surely witnessed this battle of the wills. As I see things, there are two types of people: “those who help” and “those who think they help, but are sorely incorrect.” What is it with people not ... [ Read More ]

Hey, Nurse! That is NOT a Smudge

lent2

I grew up attending church almost every Sunday. My mother was raised Lutheran and my father had not gone to church as a child; therefore, the compromise was that my brother and I would attend a church which would have an interesting “speaker” pastor and great music. This way, Mom was happy we were getting churched, and Dad wouldn’t be bored. Immediately, when we started going on a regular basis, my mother placed me in the choir. I was in third grade. I’m not sure if I could carry a tune at ... [ Read More ]

VALENTINE’S DAY NOT SO SWEET

valentinessweet

Do you remember a time when Valentine’s Day was about young, sweet flirtations and chock full of excitement? And speaking of chalk…those dreadful tasting candy hearts were SUCH a hit. He gave me, “Be Mine!” Or better still, He thinks I’m a “Cutie Pie!” Ah, so creative, so deep, sheer poetry at its best! And do you remember making Valentine mailboxes out of your dad’s big-footed shoe box, so your loving suitors could cram bountiful love letters and joke cards into it? Then ever-so- ... [ Read More ]

Midlife CRAZY is Not Just for Men

To Burn In Hell. Grungy female portrait

I’m a slow bloomer - at least in the midlife crisis department. I could give a rip how old I am, or that I don’t drive a sports car. Why stress over the fact that my abs are donned in a fat parka ready for the first hard freeze? But what I am noticing are scores of women making drastic changes in their lives. Once believing only men went through radical midlife plights, I am now forced to reevaluate my judgmental ways. I have known handfuls of women performing extraordinary measures ... [ Read More ]

Time to Get Your Love a Wooden Watch

Work it Hand Model, work it.

(This post is sponsored by JORD watches. I received a watch from them in return for my honest feedback. I cannot and will not be swayed by jewelry.) Valentine's Day is around the corner, and once again I'm unprepared. It sneaks up on me every year and I'm lucky if I get my hubby a card. (Note to self, add buying a card on my to-do list.) I blame my laziness weariness on Christmas. That whole 2-month festival wears me out. By February, I'm certainly not wanting to lift a finger to hit my ... [ Read More ]

I’m Allergic to the Super Bowl

Miss-Piggy-Gifs-miss-piggy-26968906-250-138

Guess what time of year it is… SUPER BOWL TIME!! Super. They’re seriously doing it again? I swear they did it last year. The only super part of the Super Bowl is if I can sneak out of a testosterone-filled party without anyone noticing. Then I won’t have to listen to all that primal screaming and grunting, and can recline in silence while I scarf down my precious, Pinteresty, football-shaped snacks in the host's driveway. Not that this has ever happened. Yes, I know there are ... [ Read More ]

I Had a Dream, Involving a Soy Latte and Lunch With Friends

ihaveadream

I must preface this by saying, I am blonde and have the luxury of blaming this identifier whenever I deem appropriate and neccesary. This is one of those moments. Many Februarys ago, one of the munchkins was sick over one weekend. I spent that time lovingly tending to her whines needs, all the while praying that she would get better soon. "Soon" is translated into that Sunday night before bedtime. Not that I wanted my kid to be sick - because no mom wants their children to suffer - but ... [ Read More ]

Losing a Pet is Not One of my New Year’s Resolutions

A lot of crows sitting on a leafless tree. Black and white

Never before have I prayed so hard in my backyard to hear the obnoxious warnings of enormous ravens. The same vermin that ravage nests of bunnies and anything else deemed cute and fluffy around our home. I need some bird squawks now!! Is this starting to sound like the holidays may have pushed me over the edge? I was verging on hospitalization with the thought of another one of my kids’ favorite cats dying. It started New Year’s Day. We enjoy dramas, but only to watch on the stage or ... [ Read More ]

Reasonable Resolutions for the Underachiever

ReasonableResolutions

Many people dabble in the art of creating New Year’s resolutions. However, my family usually doesn’t get sucked into this disappointing game since we don’t like to be… disappointed. And let’s face it, how many of you have already botched this year’s resolutions? I feel your pain. My tuchas isn’t gonna shrink plopped in front of my computer screen all day. This year I decided to introduce my impressionable children to resolutions and create some new traditions. I didn’t want them to ... [ Read More ]

Deep Thoughts by a Lunch Lady

lunchlady

I have no memories of the lunch ladies from my childhood. I remember a large ice cream scooper slopping mealy mashed potatoes onto my plastic, segmented tray. Then watching others spuds mushed down with the back of the scoop so the next gal with a ladle-dripping helping of gravy could fill up the well. But sadly I have no recollection of the hands (or faces) that fed me. The lunch ladies were mere props to my friends and me - the scenery of the grand cafeteria stage. Maybe it was because ... [ Read More ]