Dinnertime at Nurse Mommy’s House (w. 07.28.10)
(a true story)
Nurse Mommy: (to her preschoolers)
Are you ready for dinner?
Munchkin #2:
No, dinner makes me CRAZY!
Nurse Mommy: (holding back laughter)
What?!
Munchkin#1 (older sister):
No, sugar makes you crazy!
Munchkin #2:
Can I have some ice cream then?
I love the twisted logic of this age. Always keeps me on my toes and laughing throughout the day!
~ Nurse Mommy
Project Mom Casting Audition
To sum up my life on paper wreaks of a crazy gal who can’t make up her mind what she wants to be when she grows up. I’m 42 with two preschool girl (sounds normal, huh? Just wait…) I have retired from two careers already: a professional musical theatre actress/singer and a pediatric registered nurse. Now I stay at home with my beautiful family and write a monthly column for the Kansas City Star newspaper, and am the Healthy Kids writer for KC Parent and KC Baby magazines.
But I love my blogdom! Nurse Mommy Laughs… is my passion and I just can’t give it up. It is my therapy for getting through the days of projectile vomiting, picky eaters, whining stages, dirty diapers, potty-training, etc… If you read through other posts you will see that it is not only educational, but cathartic for the writer!
Hobbies: 1) In my spare time I drink vats of diet coke (very healthy choice) to keep energy up to chase the little ones around and, 2) searching for one of my five pair of reading glasses so I can read the fine print on my kids toy labels, and medicine bottles. The rest of my day consists of finding time to write, in between trying to find my children. They are really into hide-and-seek right now. Could never find the cute buggers if they wouldn’t giggle so loud during the game!
I hope you enjoy my blog and let me know if you are interested in my story. There is never a dull moment in my world, but that’s entertainment!
Whaddup, West Nile Virus? Where You Been? (m.07.26.10)
“Why if Noah had two mosquitoes on the arc didn’t he swat them?”
~ Unknown Jokester
Well, I’m fairly sure I am not the first to announce this midsummer, but hear me out – “PEOPLE OF ARIZONA…it sure sucks to be you!” Not only is it hotter than the dickens, (and I really have no idea what that means – however, now that I see it on paper, I must research this silly phrase) but you are sweating to death AND getting eaten alive by disease borne insects.
According to the Center of Disease Control (CDC), as of July 20, 2010, Arizona has 50% of U.S. West Nile Virus (WNV) cases. Must be overachievers down there! Now isn’t that just awful! I’m sure the patients of this horrific disease don’t feel lucky, but I am shocked how few cases there are in the country. Check out these stats thus far…
CENTER OF DISEASE CONTROL STATISTICS
2010 West Nile Virus Human Infections
in the United States
(Reported to CDC as of July 20, 2010)
Human Cases Reported to CDC |
Presumptive viremic donors* |
||||
| State | Neuroinvasive disease cases | Nonneuroinvasive disease cases | Total cases | Deaths | |
| Alabama | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Arizona | 9 | 4 | 13 | 1 | 4 |
| California | 0 | 2 | 2 | 0 | 3 |
| Colorado | 0 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 |
| Georgia | 0 | 3 | 3 | 0 | 0 |
| Kansas | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Mississippi | 1 | 0 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| North Dakota | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| South Dakota | 0 | 1 | 1 | 0 | 0 |
| Texas | 0 | 0 | 0 | 0 | 1 |
| Totals | 10 | 16 | 26 | 1 | 8 |
Neuroinvasive disease cases: refer to severe cases of disease that affect a person’s nervous system. These include encephalitis, meningitis, and acute flaccid paralysis which is an inflammation of the spinal cord that can cause a sudden onset of weakness in the limbs and/or breathing muscles.
Nonneuroinvasive disease cases: refer to typically less severe cases that show no evidence of neuroinvasion—primarily West Nile fever.
Now if your state isn’t listed, don’t start bragging to the rest of us, and don’t sit under the stars sans bug spray thinking, “Look at my state! We’re immune to that virus.” You are not. It’s just unbelievable how few cases there are in comparison to other years when everyone was freaking out and shrieking at cocktail parties, “What’s going to happen to us all?”
Remember, it was only a few years ago when we were instructed by high medical officials that, “If you find dead birds in your yard, you are doomed – but please call this little HOTLINE so we can make fun of you and add you to our list of sickies.” (I never called the hotline, but that’s what I heard)
I hope I am not jinxing our low numbers by discussing this, but it has been raining like the dickens (there I go again) all over the United States; so if history repeats itself, we should be covered in bites and the WNV numbers should be hiking upwards. Where did all the West Nile Virus go? Long time passing?
Now as most of you already know, one of my favorite summer activities is to scan the legs of Mid-westerners for bug bites. And most folk around my neck of the woods look like they have recently contracted chicken pox. My medical guess is it’s just the skeeters. Thank goodness the virus appears to be on a pseudo summer hiatus because we are itching and scratching out here!
Thankfully, this is what the government suggests you do (seriously…not a joke):
Recommendations for Prevention of West Nile Virus
CENTER OF DISEASE CONTROL (CDC) 2010
- When you are outdoors, use insect repellent containing an EPA-registered active ingredient. Follow the directions on the package.
- Many mosquitoes are most active at dusk and dawn. Be sure to use insect repellent and wear long sleeves and pants at these times or consider staying indoors during these hours.
- Make sure you have good screens on your windows and doors to keep mosquitoes out.
- Get rid of mosquito breeding sites by emptying standing water from flower pots, buckets and barrels. Change the water in pet dishes and replace the water in bird baths weekly. Drill holes in tire swings so water drains out. Keep children’s wading pools empty and on their sides when they aren’t being used.
Nurse Mommy’s Obsessive End Notes:
1) Please use insect repellent on your children until the CDC says we no longer have to worry about West Nile Virus.
2) Spraying the insecticides (with high “outdoor” percentages of DEET) should not go on the skin of young children. It can go on their clothing though.
3) Dickens (n.) = Deuce; devil – The American Heritage Dictionary, Second College Ed. (1985)
(Apparently, “hotter than the dickens” means hotter than the devil. I guess it probably doesn’t “rain like the dickens.” Who knew?!)
Oh, did I happen to mention that mosquitoes are, and this is just my opinion, the worst living creatures on the planet?! I detest them and their scourging families! And I have no problem mentioning it to PETA about how much I love to squash their stinking little bodies. Is that so wrong?! Have a happy and safe summer!!
American Academy of Peds article: Water Safety (w.07.21.10)
Swimming Lesson “minimum age” recommendation has changed this summer (2010). Wanted to let you all know of the new guidelines. Not such a funny story, but VERY important for ALL parents. In Kansas City, we have had several drownings this summer. Hopefully, we can learn from these tragedies by taking the proper precautions. Much love and prayers to the families of these wonderful children. ~Nurse Mommy
Article from HeatlhyChildren.org, the American Academy of Pediatrics website (Not written by Nurse Mommy!) You can check out other great articles regarding your child’s health at www.healthychildren.org
Water Safety And Young Children
Water is one of the most ominous hazards your child will encounter. Young children can drown in only a few inches of water, even if they’ve had swimming instruction. Swimming lessons are not a way to prevent drowning in young children.
In the past, the AAP advised against swimming lessons for children ages 1 to 3 because there was little evidence that lessons prevented drowning or resulted in better swim skills, and there was concern parents would become less vigilant about supervising a child who had learned some swimming skills.
But new evidence shows that children ages 1 to 4 may be less likely to drown if they have had formal swimming instruction. The studies are small, and they don’t define what type of lessons work best, so the AAP is not recommending mandatory swim lessons for all children ages 1 to 4 at this time. Instead, the new guidance recommends that parents should decide whether to enroll an individual child in swim lessons based on the child’s frequency of exposure to water, emotional development, physical abilities, and certain health conditions related to pool water infections and pool chemicals.
The AAP does not recommend formal water safety programs for children younger than 1 year of age.
Safety training does not result in a significant increase in poolside safety skills of young children. If you do enroll a child under four years old in a swimming program, be sure the class you choose adheres to guidelines established by the national YMCA. Among other things, these guidelines forbid submersion of young children and encourage parents to participate in all activities. But remember that even a child who knows how to swim needs to be watched constantly. Whenever your child is near water, follow these safety rules:
- Be aware of small bodies of water your child might encounter, such as bathtubs, fishponds, ditches, fountains, rain barrels, watering cans—even the bucket you use when you wash the car. Empty containers of water when you’re done using them. Children are drawn to places and things like these and need constant supervision to be sure they don’t fall in.
- Children who are swimming—even in a shallow toddler’s pool—always should be watched by an adult, preferably one who knows CPR. The adult should be within arm’s length, providing “touch supervision” whenever infants, toddlers, or young children are in or around water. Empty and put away inflatable pools after each play session.
- Enforce safety rules: No running near the pool and no pushing others underwater.
- Don’t allow your child to use inflatable toys or mattresses in place of a life jacket. These toys may deflate suddenly, or your child may slip off them into water that is too deep for him.
- Be sure the deep and shallow ends of any pool your child swims in are clearly marked. Never allow your child to dive into the shallow end.
- Backyard swimming pools, (including large, inflatable above-ground pools), should be completely surrounded with at least a 4-foot (1.2 meters) high fence that completely separates the pool from the house. The fence should have a self-closing and self-latching gate that opens away from the pool, with the latch at least 54 inches high. Check the gate frequently to be sure it is in good working order. Keep the gate closed and locked at all times. Be sure your child cannot manipulate the lock or climb the fence. No opening under the fence or between uprights should be more than 4 inches (10 cm) wide. Keep toys out of the pool area when not in use so that children are not tempted to try to get through the fence.
- If your pool has a cover, remove it completely before swimming. Also, never allow your child to walk on the pool cover; water may have accumulated on it, making it as dangerous as the pool itself. Your child also could fall through and become trapped underneath. Do not use a pool cover in place of a four-sided fence because it is not likely to be used appropriately and consistently.
- Keep a safety ring with a rope beside the pool at all times. If possible, have a phone in the pool area with emergency numbers clearly marked.
- Spas and hot tubs are dangerous for young children, who can easily drown or become overheated in them. Don’t allow young children to use these facilities.
- Your child should always wear a life jacket when he swims or rides in a boat. A life jacket fits properly if you can’t lift it off over your child’s head after he’s been fastened into it. For the child under age five, particularly the non swimmer, it also should have a flotation collar to keep the head upright and the face out of the water.
- Adults should not drink alcohol when they are swimming. It presents a danger for them as well as for any children they might be supervising.
- Be sure to eliminate distractions while children are in the water. Talking on the phone, working on the computer, and other tasks need to wait until children are out of the water.
- Last Updated
- 6/10/2010
Dakota Fanning Saves the Entire World (m.07.19.10)
Nurse Mommy Parody Press (NMP2) interrupts your blog reading enjoyment for an Emergency Broadcasting Post
This Just in… *typewriter noise*
(Overland Park, KS- NMP) The mega-oil company, BP has finally solved the oil crisis with the help of another Hollywood star. This time it is reported by several Californian Girl Scout Troops that Dakota Fanning is skipping to the rescue. She is best known for her role as “any cute doe-eyed blonde girl in all blockbuster movies in the last 9+ years.”
Ms. Fanning, after learning of Kevin Costner’s interest in saving the oil crisis in the Gulf, came up with her own plan. Since it is well known this young actress has the largest Silly Bandz® collection in Malibu, she selflessly offered to give them all up to save the U.S. Gulf’s beaches and wildlife.
Along with her collection, she has purchased a plethora of 24 packs of “Sea” and “Beach (UV activated)” Silly Bandz® (both can be found loudly advertised anywhere) which will then cap the oil rig structure; and according to officials over the age of 15, will cut off the flow of oil and “solve this silly crisis for once and for all!” Supposedly a spokesperson for Silly Bandz® is quoted as saying, “We are glad to help out the United States in this capacity – and GIRLS RULE!!!”
(If this makes no sense to you at all, please consult with any girl aged 5-14 for translation or this video)
Fast Tube by Casper
©2010, Hatton. All rights reserved.
The Kansas City Star (w.7.16.10) Stacey Hatton Commentary
The Power of Saliva
One of my fears of publicly covering this topic is strangers will assume I am a member of the top-secret union of Spitting Parental Units. The FBI has them classified in their own division, the SPU division.Are you wondering why you haven’t heard of the SPUs? Because they’re classified!
Millions of SPUs have been keeping underground about their child-cleaning methods for hundreds of years. These “spit shiners” are lurking behind every photo booth, church and/or synagogue parking lots and backstage at Little Miss competitions.
Now I that I have outed this group, they probably will start tapping me on the shoulder in the grocery store and whispering, “I refuse OxiClean because my own spittle can out-clean any product — in record time.” These poor caretakers can’t seem to control themselves because they are the offspring of a multi-generational line of spit cleaners.
Now, chemically speaking, saliva is 98 percent water, along with a little mucus and some digestive enzymes. But a law introduced by Rep. Y.O. Mama still says parents can’t clean their children with saliva.
Even though public spitting is frowned upon here in the Unites States and most countries, and Emily Post rolls over in her grave every time it occurs, expectoration hasn’t always been condemned.
•In the Middle Ages, spitting was acceptable in everyday life. Actually, it was considered rude to swallow it back down.
•In the 1700s officials put a kibosh on public spitting, so spittoons showed up everywhere. Now they had a glorious place to collect disease and flies. Great invention!
•The 1918 influenza pandemic killed more people than WWI did, so the early OSHA — Old Spit Haters of America — disposed of all contaminated spittoons and about 20 to 40 million corpses. Talk about poor health care!
•In the 1940s, a sect of overly clean mothers decided it was acceptable to pull their crumpled up hankies out of their sleeve, and after a sufficient moistening, scrub their protesting children’s faces in public. A good, wet swipe of a boy’s cowlick was common practice, too.
•During the 2008 Beijing Summer Olympics, China — one of the few countries where spitting on the sidewalks is acceptable — had to officially curb the behavior so as not to gross out the rest of the world. A courteous host.
•In the armed services, the tradition of “spit shining” these days relies on warm water instead of actual saliva to create the perfect shiny boot. I’m not going to argue with a soldier on this one; they are armed and this nurse/mommy doesn’t pack heat. But maybe they should change the name or just fess up?
Today the H1N1 influenza, the common cold and tuberculosis can be spread by respiratory droplets — another name for spit balls. Caretakers of our little future leaders, I implore you, let’s put a stop to the spit shine business! I know spit happens, but let’s just use saliva for the job it’s meant to do: digesting your children’s leftovers.
And for heaven’s sake, if you can’t control yourself, switch to baby wipes. You don’t even have to have an infant to stock up on these treasures. And you can quote me on this: baby wipes are the new spit of this decade.
Stacey Hatton is an Overland Park RN and freelance writer. Her blog can be found at http://nursemommylaughs.com.
Portland Story: “Keep Portland Weird” is their Motto
Portland story is quite outrageous, but since no one was injured, I figure it’s fair game for laughing at them. Can you imagine the ER staff faces when these ambulances pull up!? ENJOY! ~ Nurse Mommy
KGW.com Portland News station report
“Zombies” crash on I-84 near Lloyd exit
Credit: ODOT
Emergency crews had various lanes of eastbound I-84 shut down as they investigated the crash.
by Justin Burton, KGW news staff
kgw.com
Posted on July 9, 2010 at 11:38 PM
Updated Saturday, Jul 10 at 9:20 AM
PORTLAND, Ore. — A car full of people dressed as zombies crashed on Interstate 84 near downtown Portland on Friday, causing initial confusion by people who witnessed the crash.
Portland Police said the car was swerving in the eastbound lanes of the freeway just east of the Lloyd District just after 9:30 p.m. when it rolled over and crashed onto its top.
Emergency crews took five victims from the crash to area hospitals with non-life-threatening injuries.
Police said that in their investigation they learned that the people inside the car were dressed as zombie costumes and they were headed to a party at the time of the crash.
Sgt. Greg Stewart said people who witnessed the crash initially thought the victims’ injuries were much more serious, because of the zombie costumes.
“We’re glad that everyone is alive, despite being ‘undead’,” Sgt. Stewart said, referring to the costumes.
While everyone in the car was taken to the hospital, Stewart said crews are investigating the possibility that more people were in the car at the time of the crash but fled the scene on foot.
The crash halted traffic in the eastbound lanes for about an hour, reducing travel to just one lane. All eastbound lanes were opened at around 11 p.m.
Selling Home With One Preschooler Included (Part II) (m.07.12.10)
I finally got the last coat of paint on the walls, the house is sparkling clean and who knew I had wood floors in the family room? I can actually see where I am walking and don’t get injured by a strawberry-scented-naked-plastic-freakish-haired “ankle twisters” when I run for the phone.
There is something beautiful about a clean house. I respect those moms who are able to maintain a clean environment on a daily basis, but I just don’t think it can be a reality at ours. So the “For Sale” sign is perfectly aligned in the well-manicured lawn, the fliers are up and the listing is out for the public. I wait for the phone to ring. (Crickets chirping from outside the home.)
I check the phone to make sure there is a dial-tone. That’s not the problem. Why has the sign been up for 30 minutes and no one has called. I worked this hard for NOTHING?! Did I happen to mention I occasionally have anxiety issues?
The answer to this has to be to ignore the phone. I must live my life and continue with the summer as if nothing is out of the ordinary, with the exception I must follow my children around with the Shop-Vac and a roll of paper towels at all times.
So off to relax in my fresh-smelling living room to get some work done. Ah, sitting at the laptop to type away stress. This is more like it. I feel my shoulders drop and the comforting exhalation travels out through my lips and nose, like a cleansing lip and nose thing… Nevermind.
Munchkin#2: (from the upstairs) “Mom!?”
Relaxed Mom: “Yes, dear?”
M2: “Do you want to see my painting?”
Mom: “That would be wonderful… (Is she calling from the upstairs?! We have no paints upstairs!!) M2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Next visualize a crazed woman with fangs, red eyes, hair teased out like the Barbie dolls tucked away, running up the stairs 5 at a time.
M2: “I painted it for you.”
Crazed Mom: “You drew on the WALLS?! All the way down the hallway? Who told you to do this? Ahhhhhhhrgh……!”
The next part of the story remains vague and in slow motion. I remember steam shooting out every orifice of my body, and a spike in blood pressure that would have killed a bison. Then I am standing behind Munchkin #2’s closed bedroom door panting, sweating and teary eyed and hearing loud sad cries from her room. I need a mommy-time out!
Then, if you have two girls close in age who adore each other, you get this: Munchkin #1 starts screaming, “Mom, you can’t put her in her room (tears pouring down her cheeks). I’m going to get her out of there, you just see!” Great! Now everyone is crying. What am I going to do when they become teenagers? I’m doomed!!
I decide to assess the damage of the hallway mural, in INK I might add, and see if I need to repaint the entire hallway or just touch it up. I am blinded by frustration, so I decide to leave the art there for now and find that calmness I had only minutes before.
Fortunately, the rational member of the family came home for lunch to see the destruction and make sure everyone was getting along. I charged him $10.00 for the art show at the door, gave him 2 drink tickets, some lunch and then he returned to the office. I’m sure he probably was laughing the entire way, but I choose to ignore that thought and not ask.
After I was able to get the ink off the walls, and a sincere apology was made by all the females of the family to each other. I promised both preschoolers I would not go berserk about this house selling business again. Hopefully, I can keep this promise until at least tomorrow morning!
I didn't have a wide angle lense, but she is talented!
Selling Home With Two Preschoolers Living in it (w.07.07.10)
Have you ever tried selling your home while having preschoolers living in it? I don’t mean trying to sell the house while hiding the kids in the closet to get rid of them. I’m talking about trying to make your home look salable. I have only been doing this for a few days now, but I’m pretty convinced it can’t be done.
Long ago I decided to let the housework fall to last priority. Keep the children fed, warm, dry and safe are on the top of the list; then entertained and loved are thrown in there too. But how can you make all the meals, snacks, laundry and answer the millionth “why” question and have time to clean your home?
So now on top of the mandatory job requirements, I am required to make my house presentable? I can do this, but I am going to need a team. Quoting Hillary Clinton, “I am going to need a big ‘ole village to get all this junk done.”
So after shipping the kids to grandparents for the weekend, my husband and I worked round the clock for four days to “get ‘er done.” Now we can’t lift our arms over our heads from all the painting, spackling, deep cleaning, and deck repair that was needed to remove all traces of our little precious children. Not that we want all traces of our children gone, but the people who are going to buy our house probably won’t appreciate the cute tiny hand prints and crayon murals in the hallway. I’m just guessing…
Now you may have seen previous stories of mine where the girls painted themselves and the closet in dark pink lipstick or the day they covered the entire office bookcase in lavender glitter glue, so you know my pain. BUT, Hubby and I did it! Sans children, we got the house in good shape…but then (duh, duh, duh, NA) the children returned!
I must say I missed seeing their darling faces and I love them more than anything, but this constantly cleaning up after them, plus all the other every day things that need to be done is going to send me straight to the loony bin. However, did June Cleaver do it? I heard she hit the bottle in the laundry room every day at 3:00PM, but it could be a rumor I just started.
So citizens of Kansas City… hear me out loud and clear. If you know of anyone who wants to buy my house in the next couple of days, please email Nurse Mommy at nursemommylaughs@yahoo.com. I can’t keep up this cleaning and I’m sure I am doing major psychological damage to my children trying to enforce this. End our madness and someone buy our house!!! Have a nice day.
©2010, Hatton. All rights reserved.
KC Parent Magazine – July 2010 issue
Preventing Common Summer Sports Injuries
Summer sports are in full swing. But don’t forget summer sports can lead to injuries you won’t see during the winter months.
Before your child begins a sporting program, ask the coaches how they will treat emergencies such as concussions, dehydration, sun stroke or cardiac arrest. Many coaches have no first aid or CPR training. And serious injuries, such as loss of consciousness, distressed breathing or potential bone breaks, should be promptly taken to the closest emergency room for medical attention.
Soccer
Injuries
- Knee pain, shin splints and heat illnesses related to dehydration are the most common. Andy Barney, director of KC Legends Soccer, says, “In the summer, we worry about heat stress, so we keep the kids hydrated. In order to play at optimum levels, even a little dehydration is not going to be good for the kids.”
Prevention
- Proper warmup and cool down exercises can prevent many injuries. Also, do not let a child play if he or she is injured. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises that youths “should drink 10 to 15 ounces of cool water before exercise and 8 to 10 ounces every 20 to 30 minutes” during activity.
Baseball:
Injuries
- “Little League Elbow,” sliding injuries, batting injuries and outfield direct line hits are easily preventable. Mike Neal, head pitching instructor of Regal Athletics in Kansas City, MO, says they are a training facility and injury prevention program. “Their philosophy is fingertip to toes warm-ups and throwing drills” to demonstrate correct technique for injury prevention.
Prevention
- Proper equipment is crucial. Batting equipment includes helmets with chin straps (some even have face shields). These need to be worn correctly and fit properly. Catchers need a helmet, facemask, chest protector covering entire torso, athletic cup (for males) and shin guards. Wearing sliding pants, foot guards and batting gloves is also a smart choice. In addition, a maximum number of pitches per game for pitchers is mandatory to prevent damage to young bodies.
Swimming:
Injuries
- Swimmer shoulder, exhaustion, swimmer’s ear and unsupervised “weak swimmer” injuries are common.
Prevention
- Make sure an able adult or lifeguard is present at the pool. No running around the pool is important to avoiding falls, and proper usage of sunscreen to avoid severe burns is essential. Swimming down to the drain of a pool is dangerous and must be prohibited. If your children are not strong swimmers, life vests can be beneficial.
Stacey Hatton is a pediatric nurse and freelance writer from Overland Park.
