FREAKIN’ FRIDAY MAMA DRAMA – Weekly Wrap up Without the Tortilla

Posted on May 24, 2013 by nurse mommy

It’s been a great week of learning how to count backwards at our house. Yes, school is almost out and two shorties are quite happy about it. (I am NOT included in that number)

While I’m looking forward to the first 2 ½ days of my precious puddin’ pies being home every day without their father to referee each battle, I know the sun will beat upon their brains and the constant sound of them talking and whining will cause THEM to go batty. No rigid school schedule and lack of peer-pressured discipline will do them in for sure.
I’ll be just fine, but I’m sincerely worried about the kids!

I know on Martin Luther King, Jr. day one year, I took them to school and no one was there since it was a holiday (as it SHOULD be!); and for a split second I thought about leaving them there since I had already packed them a nutritious sack lunch. I talked myself out of it and drove them home. But is that such a bad idea?

Don’t they have summer school anymore? Just because the school drop-off line consists just of one car doesn’t mean they won’t behave and perhaps learn a thing or two. I’ll even pack a lunch…with extra ice packs in them! I LOVE MY KIDS!!!

No, don’t worry we’ll be just fine. But if you see my minivan parked in the circle drive early in the summer morning in front of the school, please don’t just honk and wave.

I’m probably in need of an intervention.

Here is last week’s Facebook update:

Last Friday morning, 8:23am

This morning we are driving down the street to school and the truck in front of us has a duck head decal on the rear window. If I didn’t know the owner of the truck, I would have pondered with such low amounts of caffeine in my system, why on earth anyone would have such a thing on their window. But he is a master hunter of furry things that scurry or flock. We’ll call him Mr. Duck Flocker.

Well, I suppose it isn’t nice to throw stones at other peoples flocking duck decals when I have a rubber ducks harnessed to the top of my ugly, ugly, ugly, awful, pitiful minivan. I know I should be thankful for even having a minivan. There are women in Bahrain who would trade their last mama llama for my scratched up, stained van – so I should quit my scritching. Oh, you want to know WHY I have rubber ducks harnessed to the luggage rack of my van? Don’t most people do this?

I first wanted to make up for the fact I had to drive a boring mobile. I needed something that would make me laugh instead of cry at the fact I had given up my dignity and pride, since as long as I had known what a minivan was, I WASN’T GOING TO OWN ONE!

Back to this morning…Munchkin #1 sees the truck and knows her friend is in it and shouts, “FOLLOW THAT DUCK TRUCK!” Which I thought was really funny for M1 to come up with such a witty line. She’s typically so analytical and I love it when her creativity portion of her brain is stimulated and comes to life!!

It was at this point we realize there is a duck parade going down the street to their school. And we are in it. No one else is aware of this, but it is always all about us, right?! Then I hear whistling from M1 and a drumming noise from Munchkin #2 coming from behind my seat. This goes on for several blocks. Then…

M1: That beat totally doesn’t go with my music. You are messing it up!

M2: I’m the drummer, you are supposed to follow me!

M1: I started the duck parade music. You only followed to be like ME.

M2: I was trying to make it sound better!!!

Oh, how I hate it when my duck parade goes south.

Tuesday Evening, 6:11pm

Couldn’t find Munchkin #2 just now. Yelling all around the house searching for my kiddo who is always late. Can’t believe how late we will be for dance class now!! The hubby had to get involved in the hunt and then I hear a faint voice…

“Mom, What’s taking you so long?” Yeah, she was buckled in her seat the entire time. Glad I’m the one at fault here!

It’s always the mom’s fault. Say it with me… -

Friday Morning, 7:35am

This morning Munchkin #1 had a horrible time getting up. After dragging her buns down the stairs (not by her hair, but in a fun conga line, which she TOTALLY didn’t appreciate), she sat at the breakfast table with the stare of death. Apparently, she wasn’t happy with me getting her up out of bed. I’m clairvoyant when it comes to death stares.

Me: Blah, blah, blah…
Munchkin #1: Huh?
Me: Wah, wah, wah!!!!
M1: ????

She was never getting to school at this rate, so I had to pull out some of my old theater skillz and entertain the child into submission. Every morning I typically read the district’s school lunch selection for the day and M1 & M2 tell me whether they want school lunch or a lunchbox.

It went a little like dis…

Me: …and for the side dishes, a sack of chicks, baby crocodiles and fresh gorillas!

M2: (screaming) A sack of what?
Me: I don’t have my glasses on. I’m having trouble reading this. *giggles from the audience* Sack of chicks.
M1 & M2: NO!!!! (I’ve got ‘em in the palm of my hand)
Me: Wait a minute here. Oh, no…snack bag of chips. Sorry.
M2: What about the baby crocodiles?
Me: Yes, that’s what it says. Hold on, wrong again. Baby carrots. That sounds much better.
M2: (jumping in her seat) What’s the gorilla?
Me: Fresh GRAPES!! Goodness me, I’m going blind. But don’t worry kids, no animals were harmed in the making of your school lunch today!!!

Munchkin #1: (finally speaks) Except for all the animals that were killed for the hamburger and chicken patties.

My job here is done. Her brain is up and functioning beautifully! Boy, don’t you love kids?!
And that’s it for the first installment of…
FREAKIN’ FRIDAY MAMA DRAMA!!! ‘Cause with all females in the house, that’s a lot of estrogen!

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Oklahoma Tornado Footage – Protect Young Children

Posted on May 21, 2013 by nurse mommy

For the last few weeks, I have been trying to be more “present” for my kids after school. I shut off the computer, turn off all the screens and phones and really try to connect with them and talk about their day. I know, it only took 9 months to do so, but it is never too late is it?

Ask any parent who is grabbing onto their child in Oklahoma today, afraid to let go because of their incredibly close call. Or heaven forbid those parents who lost their beautiful children yesterday without even a warning – without a real good-bye or a hug. The terror, the pain, the anger they are experiencing is so raw that most of us can’t fathom it.

AP Photo Oklahoman -

Yesterday, since we didn’t have any social media going on at our house, we didn’t know what was happening in Oklahoma until right before dinner. This is when I allow the girls to turn on the TV so I can prepare something edible and perhaps healthy (Mama ain’t always perfect).

We now have parental locks on the boob-tube since there’s too much crazy on it for a Kindergartner and 1st grader to see; plus my 1st grader (Munchkin #1) has figured out how to DVR programs and delete them and what not, so I know she could be pulling up porn if her wacky sister talked her into it. Hence, the parental lock code.

Munchkin #1 turned on the television and the news with the Oklahoma tornado (2013) devastation appeared in full view. They were talking about the school being leveled and sending in dogs to look for missing children. Excruciating. It only took 5 to 10 seconds for me to get to the channel my kids wanted and to unlock the code, but a lot of visual and audio information had permeated their brains during that time.

I put the show on pause and said, “Did you see that?”

Munchkin #2: Yeah, I have a friend who has relatives in Oklahoma.

Me: Do you think they are okay?

M2: They have a basement. So they are good.

Me to Munchkin #1: What do you think about the tornado? Your friend just came back from Oklahoma this weekend. Do you think she is scared?

M2: I don’t know. But I’ll be real nice to her tomorrow and then ask her if everything is good with her family.

Me: That would be a nice thing to do.

M2: Maybe some of those kids need some of our toys. Should we get a box? (My kids aren’t saints we had just said we were going to fill some boxes of toys for Good Will – but still sweet, right?!)

Me: I’ll help you find one after dinner. You have any other questions?

M1 & M2: Nope.

They continued to watch their cartoon show, and tearfully I worried about the Oklahoma condition while preparing dinner. I wanted to turn on the TV and watch the news to see what had happened, but as a parent, it is my job to protect my children.

Just as those parents in Oklahoma were doing – running through empty fields where schools or houses used to be, screaming out the names of their kids until they had them safely in their arms – I had to protect my girls from the thought that every tornado will do this to them.

Children need to be well-versed in safety measures, and I mean repeat it over and over like a broken record, so when they are in a panicky situation they instinctively know where to go and what to do. Just having these safety talks once is not enough; but also, you need to make sure not to make them afraid, but feel empowered because they know what to do.

I don’t want my girls living in fear that every time it rains, a tornado will come and destroy their school or kill their friends or family. Young grade schoolers aren’t mature enough to process the “big picture.” This is why they must be shielded from the barrage of media footage saturating the airwaves.

All that happens when young children watch sensory beatdown, is they either become immune to it (like it’s a video game) or the other extreme, they walk a fearful and anxiety filled life.

And that instilled fear will take a lifetime to erase.

God Bless you all for reading, for caring and I have put up a link to the American Red Cross on my sidebar. They are always needing blood donors and LOTS of funds, to help this community survive and rebuild.

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Walmart – Not Just for Hillbillies Anymore

Posted on May 15, 2013 by nurse mommy

Watch out world, but there’s a new advertising campaign over at Wally World Central! It’s called “The Real Walmart.” Kind of like the Real Housewives of Pigeon Forge, TN but with, well…yeah, pretty much exactly like that.

Now if you stop and visualize “The REAL Walmart” before watching the following commercial, I’m imagining there may be some wincing or reflux occurring. Perhaps an increase in blood pressure, heavy perspiration or even hives in extreme cases may follow. But that is a normal human reaction, so don’t be hard on yourself.

My mind likes to fluctuate between the Facebook sites of the Walmart fashionista shoppers and how they proudly model their purchases down the aisles, and fantasy cartoon combinations of their grocery cart handles and my microbiology class in college. Both are horrifying and should not be observed by small children or those with a strong gag reflex.

Tragically, at the end of April, one of Walmart’s garment factory buildings in Savar, Bangladesh collapsed killing hundreds. The Walmart corporation donated 1.6 million dollars to the Bangladesh Environment Health and Safety Academy to offer much needed assistance in safety training. Good for you, Walmart! Plus, I’m sure their legal team didn’t think it was such a bad move either!

So what do you do when you your company’s crappy image starts looking even worse? You write a song about it! And it goes a little bit like this… Not! You create a commercial that is so funny that the comedians make fun of it and take notice and hope that any publicity is good publicity.

Actually, I don’t think this is what they thought at all. I think the ad agency (who is el stinko!) was pretty proud of their marketing product.

Oh, we have revitalized Walmart for once! Don’t worry, everyone will see past our subliminal messages of *you folk are stupid* and feel better about entering our doors.

IDEAS FOR COMMERCIAL TOSSED AROUND:

Hi! I’m an Astrophysicist and I shop at Walmart.

I’m a Brain Surgeon *you aren’t smart enough for us to use the technical name* and in between surgeries, I’m shopping at Walmart and saving some dollahs! Hollah!

I’m the CEO of Target and even I shop at Walmart!

Do people heading up Walmart think the people who were already shopping there will think differently of their store because of this ad campaign? Or worse does Walmart hope shoppers who have for years purposefully chosen NOT to shop at that store, whether it be for political reasons, environmental reasons – or you just don’t like to pick up your groceries while watching a man put on some deodorant off the shelf and then RETURN it to the same shelf. (My friend Jen at People You Want to Punch in the Throat saw this one weekend morning and Facebooked it and I about barfed!)

I’m just tired of the word “real.” The Real Walmart. Reality TV. The Real Housewives of…

Really?

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Nurse Mommy Laughs…

'Cause Laughter is the Best Medicine

FREAKIN’ FRIDAY MAMA DRAMA – Weekly Wrap up Without the Tortilla

Oklahoma Tornado Footage – Protect Young Children

Walmart – Not Just for Hillbillies Anymore