A (VERY SHORT) ONE ACT
about losing it in Motherhood
(CRAZY WOMAN dressed in all black workout attire (a slimming color, you know) throws open back door to quiet suburb, since no one in their cotton pickin’ mind would hang out in 110 degree weather. She hollers back over her shoulder to what appears to be her children by all who are watching from their living room windows…)
(CRAZY WOMAN is banging out placemats, napkins and various other seat cushions on the porch rails during her rant)
CRAZY WOMAN: I’VE HAD IT! NO MORE DOUGH OF ANY KIND! I’ve been the nice mom for four entire years. F-O-U-R years!! No other moms do that. They gave up that stuff years ago. Or better yet, they never allowed it in their house at all.
I knew you were creative children who needed an outlet for your artistic abilities, so I kept the mess around. And when it dried up…I faithfully bought you more! But not this time, ladies! Your mushy, molding days of clay are OVER!
(CRAZY WOMAN notices the multi-colored product is flying through the rails and sticking to her clothing)
CRAZY WOMAN: Oh, great! Now I match the kitchen floor and table. Don’t think that I am going to clean any more of this up. You kids need to get the vacuum out and hope you don’t suck up any of your other toys in the process!
DAUGHTER: (Oldest daughter – age 5, begins to cry) My birthday is coming up and I wanted that new game with the molding dough. It’s all I want for my birthday. My birthday is RUINED! Grandma will get it for me.
CRAZY WOMAN: If you talk one of your grandmothers into buying you some of that stuff, it either needs to stay at their house, OR you are going to have to play with it outside. AND I hope it doesn’t come in white. Might be a problem finding all the pieces when it snows!
(Cell phone rings in CRAZY WOMAN’S pocket. She answers it. Nods her head a few times.)
CRAZY WOMAN: (much more calm, and brushes off clothing) Honey, you can put the vacuum down. That was our cleaning service. They have been ringing the doorbell for 5 minutes and have been trying to come in.
CRAZY WOMAN: (heads back toward door; to daughter) How about I get you a pony for your birthday party instead? Wouldn’t that be awesome?!
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