I missed a plethora of things during my years in various educational systems. Namely, education – but also, a great many life lessons which could have served me well as a parent.

As a child, I wasn’t interested in most subjects at school, unless it was regarding gossip, music and/or boy research. So one exciting thing about being a parent is when my kids learn a subject  (that perhaps I snoozed through) I can try to pick up some “learning” the second time around.

Here is my shortlist of what I learned over the years…

Science:

2^nd grade– unknown purple tablets chewed up can show remaining plaque on your teeth.

5^th grade – growing a lima bean in a wet paper towel (left in a baggie by the class window) smells like no other funk; this mold and asbestos should not be present in any school building ever!

8^th grade – boys’ feet smell like Fritos.

College – boys’ feet still smell like Fritos and drinking keg beer is a mistake.

Parenthood – if you don’t use a spare bathroom for awhile, the “P-trap” in the shower will collect sewer gas causing the entire upstairs to smell like poop – then you and your children will search the second floor for a rotting diaper or a dead animal in the walls, until a sane person talks you down.  Mine was Jen.  “Thanks, Jen!”

History:

2^nd grade – the Colonial Americans made their own soap and candles which were not pretty or able to freshen up a sewer gas smell.

5^th grade – Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press and it’s a good thing I don’t use this method today because if I couldn’t “cut and paste,” I just couldn’t handle this business – no patience for that methodical craziness.

8^th grade – stopped listening to history.  Boring!!

College – took the bare minimum hours of history needed to graduate.  Still found to be…zzzz…

Parenthood – Karma’s a bitch.  I married a man who could watch the history channel all the live long day.  Good thing he knows what a “P-trap” is and can interpret history questions for me when needed. (Actually, I find history interesting now, but I’m a little behind, so I require additional assistance.)

Geography:

2^nd grade –knew my house was across the street from my elementary school.

5^th grade – knew my house and school were in Kansas.

8^th grade – knew my boyfriend had a green Camero and a Driver’s permit which allowed him to drive from school, work and home.  (We didn’t really specify whose home, work or school… silly semantics.)

College – began to travel the world and realized that geography was essential for my worldly project to test foreign beer and meet exotic boys.

Parenthood – not going to teach my girls about geography at all and obviously (if history repeats itself) college is O-U-T for both of them!!

The good news is I’ve grown tired of beer, chasing boys, and I’m not singing in any nightclubs anymore, so I have a lot more free time to learn from my kids.

Hopefully, they will learn from my past mistakes…but who listens to their parents, right?!

© 2012, Hatton.  All rights reserved.