You try not to brag too much about your kids when you are a comedy writer or your readers will get miffed (like when reading the dreaded Christmas letters we all receive…you know the ones!). I try to keep my readers coming back – so only once in a blue moon will I mention how brilliant a child of mine will act. STOP. Do not touch that mouse! I promise it will get better.
I have a friend who told me for years, when I was single and without children, that it is much easier to raise stupid children. I thought that was funny and would laugh each and every time she told that same joke. But truly didn’t understand the brevity of the statement until I birthed my own girlies through the miraculous experience of childbirth (aka gutting of a whale with surgical knives = c-section).
Watching the TV show, Are You Smarter than a Really Smart 5th Grader Who Isn’t Afraid to Show it, I thought I had a few years before my darlings would “one up” me on a regular basis. But back to that smart children line… Kindergarten is clearly where my job as the smart mom and leader of the mind pack has been terminated. It’s tragic, I know.
So when I asked my daughters what they wanted to get my husband for Father’s Day, and Honey if you are reading this…no spoiler alert, keep on reading, my eldest child (going into 1st grade next year), decided to make a full run for it…
Let’s go back in time first: You see my kids have birthdays close to Christmas. Not actually in December, but close enough that the majority of gift collection is at year’s end. Great time of year for the kidlets; but the remainder of the year, every shopping trip is traumatizing and I am “a monster.” Actually, that is the correct terminology my youngest chooses to call me when she feels I am treating her unfairly. Lovely.
I know there are many parenting debates on whether children should receive allowances or not, but my husband and I agreed it would be a good thing to teach them about money and to respect hard work. If they clean up their disaster area (aka the playroom) they can get a small stipend. It’s as easy as that. If they want to buy something, they have a job to perform, which is better than many teenagers and college kids who can’t find a job to save their lives!
Now that I have laid down the story line, let’s ask my daughter again what she wants to give her wonderful Daddy for Father’s Day. The same man who works tireless hours without complaining. Who used to travel the world and miss his girls so much it was devastating. And who only gets to spend limited hours with his fabulous beauties due to rigorous hours.
She stands up tall and proud and announces, “I think Daddy would like an American Girl Doll.” There was only a slight smirk on her face because she was hoping this gift would be sufficient for him.
“Really,” I replied with disbelief. “What an well-thought out choice.”
My friend was right. Stupid kids really WOULD be much easier!