Remind Me Why we Teach Children to Read?

Normally, I would not recommend praising your children for “tattling” on each other. But you don’t have MY kids.
Tattling
Munchkin #1 has a built in safety monitor feature and Munchkin #2, the yin to her sister’s yang, likes to test all boundaries – especially if she feels she will get a laugh out of her actions. Blasted gene pool.

Therefore, when I’m not watching M2 every second of the day – because she is six and shouldn’t need 24hr one-on-one monitoring – I often praise the stars above M1 is an appropriate nark.

Yesterday, I stepped out of the family room while the girls were having “quiet time.” For most families you would think quiet time would be a good thing, resembling perhaps a Norman Rockwell painting or kitties frolicking in a dewy meadow. Birds quietly singing while the children read books from a sunny window seat.

My house… not so much.

Munchkin #2 decided to play some educational reading games on the iPad. Reading! Yes, reading. I was excited and that counts for quietness, right?! She is getting to be such a fabulous reader and the fact she wanted to read during quiet time was such a newfound blessing.

Fifteen minutes into the blissful silence, which I must say is rare…and I mean RARE because these girls talk and sometimes scream in their sleep; I hear from the other room:

“How do you spell ‘mean?’” asks the youngest.

“Like being mean to somebody?” asks Munchkin #1.

“No, like I mean it,” replies M2.

The oldest feeling quite proud of her spelling skills, spells the word correctly for her younger sister and then it goes back to silence. They are helping each other out and I couldn’t be prouder of my children than at that moment. What a magnificent summer we were going to have.


Five minutes later:

My oldest runs into my room with a panicked look on her face. It’s obviously not going be good and is going to erase my proud mama high.

“(M2) is emailing someone on the iPad and they just wrote back to her!” she reported.

I can only hope I didn’t curse like a sailor, but I can’t be certain. When you almost step on a snake in the woods, words just come out of your mouth and you have no control over what they are. This was one of those emergent moments.
Flying through the air like Michael Jordan used to do before he got old and started advertising his undies, I grabbed the iPad from M2 who was smirking and not making eye contact – a sign she was quite proud of her actions.

Me: Who were you emailing?

M2: I don’t know.

Me: (yanking the iPad from her hands) Give me that…Schnookems (for Farfanuggen sakes!)

I began to scan the screen. The phone number at the top showed me it was a text to a business associate of mine. Yes. She could have chosen one of my crazy friends or relatives to start her “drunk-esque” texting but a person with whom I do business? Nice!

Here my child’s first anonymous text:

bacon IM

Let’s just say, if your children need to contact my child for any reason, she is unable to comment. M2’s texting privileges have been revoked until…WE GET HER A PHONE IN COLLEGE!

Have your kids done anything like this? What have they done to embarrass you? Any calls that cost you big time? I’d love to hear about your kids so I can bask in your pain too. Share the pain…please!!!

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54 thoughts on “Remind Me Why we Teach Children to Read?

  1. Andrea, so glad you hopped over and YES, SITS Day was a blast. What is it with 5yo and iPad selfies? Just wait until she learns how to read and spell out grandparents name or someone else she wants to send something ridiculous to! It’s going to happen. Plus, those selfies take up so much memory, don’t they?!! Please come back and visit. I love meeting new friends. I’m going to check out your site too!

  2. Oh boy, you had me rollin’! I’m so glad I’m not the only one that these things happen to… So far, my 5 year old has absconded with the iPad only to return with 200 new “selfies” on it. Thank goodness she didn’t send any out to anyone, so I have something to be thankful for! I hope you had a great SITS Day, and thanks again for the chuckle! 😉

  3. I bet they hear that answer ALL THE TIME. My 2yo did it! Right..! 😉 Oh, just wait til your kid dials 9-1-1 (unbeknownst to you) and the cops show up at your door. That will be fun! The joys of motherhood. Ain’t it grande?!

  4. Ready for this? My TWO-YEAR OLD was playing with the cable buttons and somehow managed to have PORN on the tv when I returned back in the room!!! PORN!!!! My husband called to cancel the show, and you bet they laughed pretty darn loud after hearing his reason why we had it in the first place. What the WHA?

    Is that like one in a million in numbers or what?

    LOVED this story!!! 🙂

  5. I remember that..the China thing. Because it would cost sooooo much for a kid to call China, right?! So funny. My daughter has used this “and I mean it” with many other things that don’t really fit. Cracks me up and I mean it!

  6. That’s so funny. I was talking about how I it wouldn’t be the best idea to have drunk kindergartner texting because I’d end up in the slammer – but oh, the funny possibilities from a fake version of that. I’m so glad you stopped by. I hope you come on back because my munchkins are notorious for wacky antics and I love to spin a yarn about ’em!

  7. That is hilarious!! I can only imagine you back pedaling on that one. I hope you pastor had a good sense of humor. The worst part is that it looked like you told him you had gas. OMGaaah!! Oh, I hurt from laughing. So good. You better come back and visit my site. That’s all I have to say about that. 🙂

  8. Oh, my friggin’ goodness! I had a similar event. On a long trip in which my hubs & I (with kiddos) were in separate cars, I ask my 12 yr old to text Dad & let him know I’ve got to get gas & pee. He texts to my church’s associate pastor, “I’ve got gas & have to pee”. OMGoodness! I had to get that one straightened out. Happy SITS day!

  9. Oh my goodness! I love it! Where do they even think of those things?? And I mean it. :oP This may be the best post I’ve read through SITS – I think you should just let her go wild texting and start a new website like damnyouautocorrect.com, you know, thingsmydrunktoddlersays.com… other than the likely DYFS implications with that title, I think it would be a hit! Enjoy your SITS day!

  10. So funny. I remember back when I was younger and parents were afraid that their kids might pick up the phone to “call China” by dialing a lot of random numbers. Now we have this to worry about! She was very serious though with her “and I mean it” She really wanted to know about the bacon!

  11. Three?! She’s obviously gifted! I think someday they will be born with a iPhone in their hands. It seems to get earlier and earlier.

  12. Sounds like you have a bad case of the tweens at your house! My advice is to have her check in all of her electronics before bed and charge them in your room. That way she would have to sneak into your room to get her iPad and that isn’t going to happen. A lot of homes with teens do this. Good luck and please stop by again. I love chatting about our kids!

  13. Yeah, if it was drunk Kindergartner texting I think I would be computing from a small cell! Just stick to bacon and remember don’t drink and text! That would be a great bumper sticker if it weren’t so freaking long!

  14. OMG, that is total justification for a grounding from electronics at my house! 😉 lol I’m just waiting for that moment. I hope I’m not on the toilet or getting out of the shower!

  15. If I had to go to therapy for every one of my “moments” my kids got me in trouble – I would be B-R-O-K-E! Plus, isn’t blogging the best therapy anyway?! Thanks for commenting and joining my SITS party. This is so much fun!

  16. Thanks, Bethany. Bacon is a staple in Munchkin#2’s vocab and diet. She has crushes on boys because they talk of bacon. Stop by anytime. Good to have you here!!

  17. Let’s just say my 10 year old figured out how to DL an app on her iPad touch to send texts and make phone calls via wifi (No phone service needed) So I had no idea why she was so sleepy all day until we discovered her at 3am one night texting a friend!!! Let’s just say the past year has been rough as she has lost a lot of privileges while we try to nip this ‘teen behavior’ in the bud before she reaches that point.
    Glad your little one didn’t cause too much trouble. 😉

    HAPPY SITS DAY!

  18. Haha! Oh my goodness! You hear warnings about drunk texting, but never about Kindergartner texting. That seems just as dangerous! But, at least it was just about bacon. Who doesn’t like bacon? Happy SITS Day!

  19. Great post! My 6 year old has an iPod Touch so he loves to call family members who have Face Time. And his favorite time to do so is when I have no makeup on and I’m in my pajamas. That’s when he walks over to me, not knowing he’s talking with someone, and turns the iPod around for me to say hello! Enjoy your SITS Day!

  20. My girls haven’t figured that Facebook trick out yet, Michelle; but I know that will be coming. I know I will leave my computer on one day and I will have all sorts of stuff sent out by them. They are so creative aren’t they. “Facebook highjacking” could be a good blog title for you!

  21. Thanks, I am having a blast. I appreciate you stopping by. Have a blessed day and hope you find some more laughs to get you through!

  22. Why do they do this? They are so fast. My munchkins love to facetime too, but luckily I don’t have a lot of those addresses available, so they are just calling on folks. I’m sure they will figure it out at some point. Kind of like when we used to do prank calls when we were kids? UGH! So glad you visited and come on back when you get a chance. You will fit in just fine if you have a “diva.” 😉

  23. Watch out, Regina! It’s coming for you and don’t think it won’t!!! 😉 As long as you are prepared, maybe it won’t be as bad. But boys will be boys, right?! Thanks for coming by. Nice to meet you.

  24. Group message photo? Wow. Hopefully, it wasn’t too embarrassing. Thanks for the compliment and yes, I’m having a fabulous SITS day!!

  25. OMG, Tiffany! I know what you are saying. My husband accidentally took the password off for a few days and the ipad started getting charges. They can read. They knew the games weren’t free. Kids not so happy to see their allowance money leave to pay for their ipad games! Thanks for coming by. Please come again! I love new friends!!

  26. That’s awesome. My girls have started sending emails to my mom from my husbands email address and she sends replies. He keeps asking me why my mom keeps sending him random weird emails. Some day I’ll tell him, but for now it’s fun to just watch it play out.

  27. Thanks for coming by, Pam. Andimeamit, too!! Come back to the party. Would love to have more creative types hanging out on my Facebook page. We have lots of fun there.

  28. That’s hilarios, Mo! Superpower of thought bubbles. Did you ever watch Mystery Science Theater 3000? That reminds me of that show and it would totally crack me up. Hope you stop by again. You sound fun and creative. Just my cup of joe!

  29. Be thrilled for her progress, but know that she will soon embarrass you. And I like to think if you are mentally prepared for it, the damage isn’t nearly as bad. So helpfully this helped! 🙂 So glad you came by. Would love to see you again. 6yo girls ROCK!!

  30. Oh no! My 6 year old is just exploding with her reading and spelling. I was thrilled. Now I’m frightened.LOL! That is totally something she would do too! Happy SITS Day!

  31. Hilarious! Your business associate must have thought it was a pretty random question – or you were taking a survey: “Do you like bacon?” Wouldn’t you LOVE to know the thought process that led to that particular question? And the “AndIMeanIt” part too. If I could have a superpower I’d be tempted to choose the ability to make thought bubbles appear over people’s heads!

  32. This is SO FUNNY! At least your business associate had a great sense of humor and went along with it…I’ve caught my Kiddies just moments before they’ve made purchases through the ipod. Thank goodness for the password option or I’d be broke by now…LMBO

    Happy SITS Day!

  33. LOL this had me laughing…I don’t have girls but I have a little 20 month old that is so tech savvy…that is what I’ll be afraid of in the future…congrats on being featured on SITS!

  34. That is hysterical! At least your business associate had a sense of humor! My daughter has highjacked my Facebook to sing praises to herself but that is it!

  35. I guess it’s good that it was “only” about bacon? Hilarious!! Visiting from SITS – enjoy your queen blogger status for the day:-)

  36. I obviously want to be invited to one of your parties! If your friends are thinking that’s how things are bound to roll at your house…it’s gonna be a good time, Marcia!! LOL!

  37. Oh, how I love this!! Not that I am THAT much of a T-Rex, but back in the dinosaur days when my 4 kids were young, cell phones had just become popular but I don’t recall that texting even existed yet. One afternoon I was hosting a Tupperware party for 20 lady friends. My youngest (he is 17 now and still hell on wheels) was 2 at the time and somehow managed to get ahold of the phone. He dialed 911. Moments later I had several cops at my door–they needed to investigate the house to make sure no one was hurt or secretly calling for help……and when my lady friends saw 3 good looking men in uniform enter the living room, they were thinking I was hosting an entirely different kind of party….

  38. Maybe our kids are so chatty with strangers because they learned from someone in their family – not sure who – that it is appropriate to crack jokes with people we don’t really know. Mmmh..? Bacon. I’m glad I’m not alone in this one. You had to have been cracking up and freaking out at the same time.

  39. I can’t even imagine what you would and M2 would text about, Lisa! It would be hilarious! I’m bringing her to Erma next time. Don’t you think 1st grade is old enough? 😉

  40. Yes, I’ve had this happen! I used my e-mail to sign my youngest kid up with an account for her iPod or something and it had all of my Hotmail/Facebook contacts automatically import in to my daughter’s device and she began having conversations with my contacts, thinking they were her new friends. She didn’t care that she didn’t know them. The kid doesn’t know a stranger. Luckily, I caught it after she had mindless conversations with three or four people who believed they were talking to ME about – well – such things as liking bacon. You are not alone! We do our best, but we cannot catch 100% of their errors in life, to be sure.

  41. LOL!! Oh, Mary I bet that mom thought you were sumpin’! That’s so funny it happened to you too this week. Teach a kid to read and they send bad texts to strangers! Hilarious story. We’ll make sure our kids never hook up!

  42. This week my two oldest were at church camp and my 7 year old had my phone in the backseat of the car. I received a text with a picture of the girls from a mom who was working at camp. Before I know what was happening (or that he knew how to text), he had replied: “Tell Natalie I don’t miss her at all.” Proud mama moment?

  43. Thank goodness she didn’t send it to a pimp or the Pope! I can’t believe how ballsy this kid is – wait, whose kid is she? Nevermind. I’m in trouble!

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