Selling Home With One Preschooler Included (Part II) (m.07.12.10)
I finally got the last coat of paint on the walls, the house is sparkling clean and who knew I had wood floors in the family room? I can actually see where I am walking and don’t get injured by a strawberry-scented-naked-plastic-freakish-haired “ankle twisters” when I run for the phone.
There is something beautiful about a clean house. I respect those moms who are able to maintain a clean environment on a daily basis, but I just don’t think it can be a reality at ours. So the “For Sale” sign is perfectly aligned in the well-manicured lawn, the fliers are up and the listing is out for the public. I wait for the phone to ring. (Crickets chirping from outside the home.)
I check the phone to make sure there is a dial-tone. That’s not the problem. Why has the sign been up for 30 minutes and no one has called. I worked this hard for NOTHING?! Did I happen to mention I occasionally have anxiety issues?
The answer to this has to be to ignore the phone. I must live my life and continue with the summer as if nothing is out of the ordinary, with the exception I must follow my children around with the Shop-Vac and a roll of paper towels at all times.
So off to relax in my fresh-smelling living room to get some work done. Ah, sitting at the laptop to type away stress. This is more like it. I feel my shoulders drop and the comforting exhalation travels out through my lips and nose, like a cleansing lip and nose thing… Nevermind.
Munchkin#2: (from the upstairs) “Mom!?”
Relaxed Mom: “Yes, dear?”
M2: “Do you want to see my painting?”
Mom: “That would be wonderful… (Is she calling from the upstairs?! We have no paints upstairs!!) M2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Next visualize a crazed woman with fangs, red eyes, hair teased out like the Barbie dolls tucked away, running up the stairs 5 at a time.
M2: “I painted it for you.”
Crazed Mom: “You drew on the WALLS?! All the way down the hallway? Who told you to do this? Ahhhhhhhrgh……!”
The next part of the story remains vague and in slow motion. I remember steam shooting out every orifice of my body, and a spike in blood pressure that would have killed a bison. Then I am standing behind Munchkin #2’s closed bedroom door panting, sweating and teary eyed and hearing loud sad cries from her room. I need a mommy-time out!
Then, if you have two girls close in age who adore each other, you get this: Munchkin #1 starts screaming, “Mom, you can’t put her in her room (tears pouring down her cheeks). I’m going to get her out of there, you just see!” Great! Now everyone is crying. What am I going to do when they become teenagers? I’m doomed!!
I decide to assess the damage of the hallway mural, in INK I might add, and see if I need to repaint the entire hallway or just touch it up. I am blinded by frustration, so I decide to leave the art there for now and find that calmness I had only minutes before.
Fortunately, the rational member of the family came home for lunch to see the destruction and make sure everyone was getting along. I charged him $10.00 for the art show at the door, gave him 2 drink tickets, some lunch and then he returned to the office. I’m sure he probably was laughing the entire way, but I choose to ignore that thought and not ask.
After I was able to get the ink off the walls, and a sincere apology was made by all the females of the family to each other. I promised both preschoolers I would not go berserk about this house selling business again. Hopefully, I can keep this promise until at least tomorrow morning!
I didn't have a wide angle lense, but she is talented!
