Walmart – Not Just for Hillbillies Anymore

FacebookPinterestLinkedInStumbleUponDeliciousTumblrShare

Watch out world, but there’s a new advertising campaign over at Wally World Central! It’s called “The Real Walmart.” Kind of like the Real Housewives of Pigeon Forge, TN but with, well…yeah, pretty much exactly like that.Not just for dummies! -

Now if you stop and visualize “The REAL Walmart” before watching the following commercial, I’m imagining there may be some wincing or reflux occurring. Perhaps an increase in blood pressure, heavy perspiration or even hives in extreme cases may follow. But that is a normal human reaction, so don’t be hard on yourself.

My mind likes to fluctuate between the Facebook sites of the Walmart fashionista shoppers and how they proudly model their purchases down the aisles, and fantasy cartoon combinations of their grocery cart handles and my microbiology class in college. Both are horrifying and should not be observed by small children or those with a strong gag reflex.

Tragically, at the end of April, one of Walmart’s garment factory buildings in Savar, Bangladesh collapsed killing hundreds. The Walmart corporation donated 1.6 million dollars to the Bangladesh Environment Health and Safety Academy to offer much needed assistance in safety training. Good for you, Walmart! Plus, I’m sure their legal team didn’t think it was such a bad move either!

So what do you do when you your company’s crappy image starts looking even worse? You write a song about it! And it goes a little bit like this… Not! You create a commercial that is so funny that the comedians make fun of it and take notice and hope that any publicity is good publicity.

Actually, I don’t think this is what they thought at all. I think the ad agency (who is el stinko!) was pretty proud of their marketing product.

Oh, we have revitalized Walmart for once! Don’t worry, everyone will see past our subliminal messages of *you folk are stupid* and feel better about entering our doors.

IDEAS FOR COMMERCIAL TOSSED AROUND:

Hi! I’m an Astrophysicist and I shop at Walmart.

I’m a Brain Surgeon *you aren’t smart enough for us to use the technical name* and in between surgeries, I’m shopping at Walmart and saving some dollahs! Hollah!

I’m the CEO of Target and even I shop at Walmart!

Do people heading up Walmart think the people who were already shopping there will think differently of their store because of this ad campaign? Or worse does Walmart hope shoppers who have for years purposefully chosen NOT to shop at that store, whether it be for political reasons, environmental reasons – or you just don’t like to pick up your groceries while watching a man put on some deodorant off the shelf and then RETURN it to the same shelf. (My friend Jen at People You Want to Punch in the Throat saw this one weekend morning and Facebooked it and I about barfed!)

I’m just tired of the word “real.” The Real Walmart. Reality TV. The Real Housewives of…

Really?

If you like what you read, please join me at Facebook and Twitter.

FacebookPinterestLinkedInStumbleUponDeliciousTumblrShare

Need Funny Mother’s Day Gift Ideas? Nurse Mommy Can Help!

FacebookPinterestLinkedInStumbleUponDeliciousTumblrShare

So Mother’s Day is around the corner and if you are like me you are hitting your head on the wall and thinking, “Oh, GREAT another holiday which is supposed to be about ME, but I need to make sure I get all the gifts for every other mother in the free world, so I am not hated, shunned and kicked out of the will.”

Am I the only one feeling this? The guilt!!! Where art thou coming from?

No, really, I love gift giving. I’m a giver by nature. As long as I have a coupon, remember the date or give a flip about the person. Mother’s Day is another opportunity to spread the love to all the important women in my life; and for one day out of the year, have my husband make my cup of coffee in bed. *That was not supposed to sound dirty.*

Therefore, to help you with gift giving ideas for YOUR mother this year, I have done a little research and found some of the best gifts on the market. I hope this saves you some precious time finding the perfect gift for your type of mom.

Nurturing Mom
Mom’s Favorite Child Mug – ($14.49) If you know your mother fits in this category, she probably has made you feel as if you are her favorite child. So why not remind her every morning at coffee? This mug is cuter than a bug and will bug your siblings to no end!MUGG-6928-4

Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer – ($5.99) – Your mother who is always watching out for your well-being, will be delighted to receive this product on her special day. After all, you never know who has been playing with their “Jimmy” before greeting the church parishioners.SANI-1841

Adventurous Mom
Go Girl – ($12.99) – If you have a mom who is worldly or the outdoorsy type, this next product is the cat’s meow! Just reach into your hiking gear, the glove box or your evening bag and pull out your rubber female urination device (aka girl penis). Then just drop trow, squat where ever you want, and your mom can now pee with the aim of a sharp shooter. (Available in camouflage or hot pink.)goGirl_prodShot3_hp

The Funny Mom
The Wine Rack Flask Bra – Nothing says, “Mom, since I weaned off of you, you look like you could use a little inflating…AND a hit of wine!” You can get this for only $32.99!!Wine Rack Bra

***I Just Want to Pee Alone – ($8.99) – Best-selling book in parenting humor on Amazon and iTunes is the PERFECT gift for any mother. 37 top mom bloggers co-authored this outrageous compilation of essays about motherhood and it will keep you laughing out loud. Oh, if you haven’t heard…I’m on page 121.

***This is the author’s favorite choice. Not only because she is in the book, but because every time you purchase one of these books, she will make money, which she is fond of. Just telling you the facts, Jack!

Here I am with the fabulous editor and co-author of the book, Jen (“just Jen”) of People I Want to Punch in The Throat. She is a savvy business woman and funny gal, but to protect my throat for the taping I used a flesh colored flotation device around my neck for this live TV interview on Friday, May 25, 2013.

FacebookPinterestLinkedInStumbleUponDeliciousTumblrShare

Getting Kinky on Tuesday

FacebookPinterestLinkedInStumbleUponDeliciousTumblrShare

Happy Tuesday Nurse Dose -

Happy Tuesday Nurse Dose -

You know how some know-it-all people who have medical degrees and lots of letters behind their names like to tell you they are right. Well, I’m not talking about ME, thank-you! I only have two measly letters, R-N and I’m here to tell you some days I just don’t have the answer. Okay. MOST days I don’t have the answer. Do you think I could reach 3 octaves on the piano with my tush if I had all the answers?

So last week was a little overwhelming with life and schtuff and really…NOTHING! My family is happy and healthy. God bless them *patoohee* (That was me spitting for good luck. Fine. I won’t do that again) I really have nothing to complain about. Life is grand. So why does my body think I’m uber-stressed out?

Let’s just say, this morning I get in the shower, and as I’m writing on my Shower Notes my next blog post, article and book idea (hot water gets mah brain racing), I feel a pinch in my neck. Whatever. I’m working in the shower and have a full hot water heater waiting for me and my shower-writing is going great. Stretch it out a bit and it will be fine.

And stretch it out you, Oldies! -

And stretch it out you oldies! –

Hello, darkness my old friend. I’d love to shove you down the holes in the shower drain. How many times a year do people throw their neck out? I don’t know!! I’m asking YOU. I SAID I don’t know all the answers!! Apparently, I’m a little testy when I’m hurting. I apologize, but…

Like we say in the medical field, “Somebody better up that girl’s meds, and quick!”

I need a little help here! -

I need a little help here!

Unfortunately, I won’t be medicated until the children are asleep and my uncle Jose Cuervo will come for a visit. Uncle, please bring your niece a lime! So until then, I will take a few more Advil, apply ice and count the minutes until tequila sundown.

Nurse Mommy does not recommend Uncle Jose Cuervo for persons under the age of 21 in the United States.

FacebookPinterestLinkedInStumbleUponDeliciousTumblrShare