Innocence of a Dandelion

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The Kansas Star – Johnson County Neighborhood News/The Olathe News

By STACEY HATTON
May 3, 2013

Brother and sister with dandelion garlands

As if no artifice of fashion, business, politics, had ever been,
Forth from its sunny nook of shelter’d grass —
Innocent, golden, calm as the dawn,
The spring’s first dandelion shows its trustful face.

“The First Dandelion.” by Walt Whitman – first printed in New York Herald: March 12, 1888

On the way to our favorite megastore is a sizable corner lot that has remained empty for years to the common passerby. A field of weeds and brush is all that remains until periodically someone mows them down to the city-ordained height.

There are countless joys of having children, but one of my favorites is how they often take you down memory lane to a time when life was simpler. Flickers of childhood memories pop out of your heavily scheduled head and direct your attention to things in the world you otherwise might gloss over.

On a spring day last year, an older couple in their 70s was in that field of weeds, each squatting with their own plastic grocery sack. I know many quirky people, so seeing they didn’t appear to be in any distress and they were clothed, I drove past not thinking much of it. My daughters and I finished our shopping and returned down the same road. To our surprise, the couple was still there — just further into the field.

My youngest girl, who doesn’t miss a thing said, “Mom, did those people lose something? They’re still there.”

This is usually when I start paying attention to my surroundings or make up a quick answer that will satisfy the curiosity of my monkeys. I glanced in the rear-view mirror to see the man and woman picking dandelion greens and storing them away.

An educational moment for sharing my limited knowledge of dandelions had come upon us. They are edible, potable and medicinal for the adventurous minded. However, I reminded my girls it was a poor choice to nosh on the ones in our yard for you never know who has “fertilized” the flower first — dog, bird or the “Roundup” man.

The next week, however, that same couple was picking dandelions from that corner lot. Either we had some strange connection to these people or they are spending an inordinate amount of time in this field. I believe it was the latter, but it wasn’t my issue. Some people like Facebook, others trespass and extricate weeds.

This time all three of us were amazed that couple had returned. For what were they using the dandelions? A green salad? Dandelion wine? Curing scurvy? Perhaps they were starting a grass roots music festival.

Then it hit me. Why is it that a child looks at a dandelion and sees a stunning, yellow flower and most adults in our country see a weed? At what point in our lives does our thinking cross over from being delighted in a flower that children make wishes on and whose seeds they chase, to fervently trying to eliminate those pesky weeds by any means?

I believe the loss of our childhood innocence must occur when we walk past a field of these vibrant yellow beauties and think, “Boy, I hope those seeds don’t blow into my yard.” I’m not starting a Save the Dandelion campaign or singing Kumbaya in my front yard with a wreath of dandelions adorning my head (even though that would be pretty). Don’t worry, neighbors, we will be keeping up with the Joneses!

But one of these days on the way to the store, if that couple isn’t doing whatever they are doing, I just might take the girls and go chase some dandelions. This year the field is full of them and it is a sea of yellow just inviting us to play.

Stacey Hatton is a former pediatric nurse, mom of two and humorist. She is co-author of “I Just Want to Pee Alone,” which can be found on Amazon.com or her blog, www.NurseMommyLaughs.com.

If you enjoyed this, follow me on Facebook or Twitter. There’s a lot more zany everyday fun and interaction!! Join the party, mah friend!

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Neighbors House Must Wreak, New Book Anthology about Peeing Alone…I Smell a Theme!

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redhead dog in deep snowSome of you may have heard but there was a Blizzard in the Land of Oz (Kansas) where I click my heels together thrice to return to what is my home. Last year I purposefully purchased my husband a snow blower knowing that when the women in my family do so, there will be absolutely NO snow for the season. And as predicted, less than an inch fell in 2012. It was the Land of AHHHHS for me that year because did I mention that I HATE SNOW. It is worse than a blowout diaper while traveling on the highway with only a box of dry wet wipes on hand.

Snow sucks harder than your child getting the norovirus and yelling out, “Mom” in the middle of the night and in mid scream leans over and barfs on the child in the lower bunk…right on their head at 3 a.m. That’s how much I don’t like snow. Not that this ever happened, but ew.

Now I know there are a bunch of you out there who L-U-V snow and the pretty white snowflakes, and building snow forts with your children and throwing snowballs and sledding your bodies into large oak trees; but that ain’t mah bag!! Unfortunately, I don’t want to taint my children’s perception of the white precipitation from hell, so I keep my lips zipped and pull up my big girl boots and put on my silly lamb hat and waddle outside looking 4 sizes heftier than I already do naked. This does NOT make mama happy!

And to further complicate matters, my husband whom I adore and would do just “about” anything to make him happy is a SNOW HOUND. Nothing makes him happier than snow. Anything that involves snow is up his alley. So isn’t it fair to assume he should be the parent to teach the children the finer parts of snow love?

Well, apparently since no women in my family purchased a snow blower this year, Mother Nature decided to dump over 12 inches of bitter cold white crap on my street, blocking my vehicle in the garage which never is a wise thing to do. I start to get cramped up and itchy and need to road trip…like to Key West. If only the planes could take off!

So as I stayed indoors watching my husband and children frolic in the wet powder, I noticed out our kitchen window how our neighbor’s dog was going to have a rough time with all this snow. All of the snow from their roof had blown off and completely blocked their back door. How is that poor dog going to pee?
Extreme Doggie Door Fail

SPEAKING OF PEE…
(Nice, huh?! Did you see what I did there?!)
I am going to be in another book titled, I JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, by Jen (just Jen…like Cher) who has a strong literary history of punching people in the neck/cervical area -not to be confused with punching in the cervix- that’s an entirely different Jen. Along with 35+ other funny blogging mothas (and some of them are really famous!); we are going to be published in a collection of humor essays, which should come out in March 2013 at Amazon.com (buy on Nurse Mommy Laughs website and I get a small percentage of sale, otherwise nada!), bookstores, Kindle, Nooks, and ipads. This is sumpin’ fancy!!

Here are a few of the co-authors works, so you can start getting excited and saving up your pennies to get ya one of these here books! You don’t want to miss out on this one:

RachRiot is one hilarious writer who is new to blogging, but she is one you are going to be hearing of for years! Her post Vermont is for Lesbians had me screaming!


Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
shares her downward dog tale of running with her tail between her legs after yoga in Clearly, at 38, I am still too immature for yoga.

You’re my favorite today.
is written by a zany mom after my own heart; she tells her stories about raising kids for 17 years and how she got through it. Parents of small children, gather around had me hurting when I first read it.

Since we are on an urination theme today…
Snow Ice Cream for EVERYONE…
Parents, please remember to teach your children before they go outside to play in the snow, that the yellow snow is NOT lemon. Don’t ever say I don’t care about your health!
Here is a recipe I found…remember WHITE SNOW people!!!

CLICK HERE FOR RECIPE at Life With Moore Babies blog

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Stumped for Christmas Gifts or NC-17-rated stocking stuffers?

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How about a signed copy of

My Funny Major Medical
(an anthology of humor essays – including one gut busting tale by Stacey Hatton: Nurse Mommy)

“Contributors include columnists, comedians, authors, TV writers, and people with unauthorized access to hospital files. This inexpensive, pocket-sized book is a time-released “get well card” for the ailing and afflicted, an inside chuckle for medical professionals, and a collection of healing fun for those who aren’t under care at the moment.” Amazon.com

I will be taking orders up through December 19th (until my stash runneth out!)

Please send me an email at: nursemommylaughs@yahoo.com with the subject line, “FUNNY BOOK ORDER”

In the email tell me:
• How many signed books you are ordering.
• Who (or if) you want inscriptions made out to (don’t need to have inscription).
• The shipping address (complete with name).

It is $10.00 for each book, plus $3 shipping and handling. (If ordering multiple books it would be $3 for the initial book, then $1 for every additional book.)

1 book = $13
2 books =$24
3 books = $35

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