Super Bowl Hangover Week

– photo provided by Anthony Behar, TNS

So have you recovered from last Sunday’s football? What a game and what a party!

I’m sure many of you are still wearing your elastic band pants. That mammoth-sized ingestion of sodium gets the best of us. Once the swelling goes down and folks don’t have hobbit feet, the silent focus is on getting your proper digestion back in check.

How will all of that cheese dip pass without killing me?

Did you know the average Super Bowl viewer consumes 4,000 to 6,000 calories during one game? I believe that’s cutting it close to the caloric requirement of a Killer Whale. Thanksgiving is a only 3,000 calories, and we all get prepared for that day by kicking up the cardio a few weeks prior. OK, maybe not everyone does that, but they sure think about it… real hard.

The caloric gluttony, while enjoying a game with large men jumping in a pile of flailing limbs, is disgraceful and I cannot condone that behavior. Unless there’s 7-layer or spinach artichoke dip, then, “People, slowly back away from the table or someone might lose a finger!”

Why is it a prerequisite to gorge on carbs and sit on the couch watching others exercise? Not even marathon runners prepare before the big race with that much starch. Now I could see the football players pigging out after the big game; especially, if they covered some major yardage. They’d deserve it — Bucky, Jr. and your other brother Darrell, probably not so much.

So how about those Cowboys!?

I’ve never been a football fan or spectator. Any sport that takes four hours is not within my attention span range. I do love catching the commercials and basing my stock options on who can afford a 30-second spot.

Pistachios? You really make that much money?

But my true reason for this season is… you guessed it, the H-A-L-F-T-I-M-E Show!!!

Remember the days when amazing bands would show off their new dance moves? Before social media saturated the web, taking the fun out of seeing performers live? Then later when performers cursing had to be bleeped out and certain “swimming suit” areas became exposed, the quality went downhill. That is until The Lady Gaga.

She refers to herself as a performing artist, which gives her a fish-netted leg up on the creativity of her show. No performer in the 50 years of Super Bowling had requested the closed roof of the stadium be opened for her and her drone backup dancers of the sky.

She was like David Bowie except with no pants, singing and shaking her moneymaker for the world to see. She came down from the roof like a sparkling frog with un-brushed hair; and using a Hollywood sleight of hand, she air-swam to the stage with patriotic grace. I haven’t checked the facts, but I’m 100 percent certain she is the first musical act to incorporate the game of football with the performance. You’d think that would be an obvious theme for a half-time show, but what do I know?

The close of Ms. Gaga’s genius show came to an end, with her catching a bedazzled football, executing an epic mic drop, and jumping off a 12-foot platform into thin air, confusing the cameraman and spectators at home. Brilliant!

Who knows maybe performing artists will make a comeback and move out of coffee shops and libraries? This was a show, which left us craving more and she didn’t even need to wear her meat dress. A seven-layer dip costume would have done me in.

So I had an idea, back to the starch and fat fest…

What if you had your guests dance to the half-time show? The beer is cut off unless they get up and move it. Think of how many calories your friends could burn before round two.

Next year, I’m going to throw a Cardio Super Bowl party. Get out your yoga pants, Ladies because we’re gonna sweat.

Plus, yoga pants have elastic waistbands. Bonus.

(previously published in The Kansas City Star on February 10, 2017)

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My Baby Died 10 Years Ago Today

Hello Friends,

This is not going to be one of my snarky, smart-assed posts.

I won’t be cracking jokes and trying to make you laugh out loud.

Today I’m finally going to let you all in on a secret that I’ve been hauling around for 10 years. The weight of this pain has been horrific at times, but has lessened with time. Yet a mother’s love never wavers, changes with time and is forever strong.

Kathy Glow, at Kissing the Frog, has invited me to guest post on her site this morning on her Grief Series. She is an amazing writer and also has experienced the great loss of a child. Her series is a beautiful tribute to her son and a powerful place for people to learn about those writers who have lost someone dear to them.

This is truly the first time I have ever written of my experience; but I hope you all will take the time to read it. This is a piece of my heart, written through tears and love.

Please head over to Kathy’s site and show her some love and leave her or me some comments. I will respond to comments over there today.

“You Quickened My Heartbeat” – by Stacey Hatton

Love to you all and thanks for supporting me all these years!
Stacey

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Local Ronald McDonald House New Campaign One Penny at a Time

Hiya Readers!

Remember awhile back when I wrote an article for the KC Star and outed some dork from Mickey D’s drive through for stealing my penny from the Ronald McDonald House change box? You don’t? Go on and read it. I’ll wait.

Well, they contacted me and wanted me to spread the word around that they are actively trying to raise money for the RMHC of Kansas City. And they are doing it, according to them…”ONE PENNY AT A TIME!”

Right on! I only wish they guy who was stealing from these sick kids and their families, knew that he fueled a campaign in his dishonest honor. HIGH-YAH!! *just threw in one of my Karate roundhouse kicks*

So here is the deal: Coinstar (you know the machine thing at the grocery store that looks as if it would either dispense water or twenties) is partnering with RMHC of KC this month (October 2013) to collect change to build a THIRD Ronald McDonald House!

First of all, this is exciting that those in need will get a much needed facility; but it’s also tragic there’s such a great need for families to eat, shower and sleep because there are so many ill children. Makes my heart heavy and achy.

So here is the PR packet they sent since they really summed it up well and why re-write something when they said I should give this information to you. I mean really!

Oh, and you should read it cause they are offering PRIZES folks. Real prizes!!

KANSAS CITY, Mo. – With the school year back in session, parents look for constructive ways to get their children involved in programs that build self-esteem, teach them about helping others and start them on a lifetime of philanthropy.

Ronald McDonald House Charities of Kansas City (RMHC-KC) was selected by Coinstar to be one of few locations in the country to receive a Coinstar machine at its House to encourage families, area children’s organizations, schools, church groups and others to come together to donate quarters, pennies, nickels and dimes to benefit RMHC. A penny here, a nickel there. The change can add up to help a charity make real change!

The machine will be temporarily set up in the lobby of the Ronald McDonald House at 2502 Cherry Street, Kansas City, Mo., and the public is invited to stop by any time during the month of October to deliver donations and get a tax-deductible, printed receipt from the machine. The Coinstar machine will count the coins and automatically print a receipt.

Engaging Kansas City’s youth is especially important this fall as the 32-year-old local non-profit embarks on the final public phase of its capital campaign to build a much-needed third Ronald McDonald House in Kansas City. With less than $800,000 left to raise for the total $4.5 million campaign, funds from programs such as the Coinstar machine fundraiser are earmarked to help build the third house.

Of course, good competition always helps build excitement. RMHC-KC will provide a prize to the local group who raises the most change. To enter the KC Coinstar Competition, submit a receipt from the Coinstar machine and be sure to include a name and phone number. Receipts can be entered to win at the front desk at the Ronald McDonald House near the Coinstar machine.

The prizes are as follows:

1st Place – An assembly and/or visit from the Kansas City Chief’s mascot KC Wolf and the Chiefs Cheerleaders

2nd Place – A personal visit and magic trick by Ronald McDonald himself!

3rd Place – Free ice cream cones from McDonald’s for an entire grade/class

Event Information:

The final date to deliver coins is Oct. 27. Families, youth groups and schools are invited to collect coins throughout the month of October and deliver their coins between 6 and 8 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 27 and participate in a special Halloween-themed Trunk-or-Treat event in the parking lot of Ronald McDonald House, 2502 Cherry Street, Kansas City, MO 64108. The event includes candy, House tours, a visit from Ronald McDonald, magic tricks and more.

About Ronald McDonald House Charities of Kansas City
The mission of Ronald McDonald House Charities of Kansas City is to reduce the burden of childhood illness on children and their families by providing a “home away from home” while they are receiving medical care at Kansas City-area hospitals. On any given night, Ronald McDonald House Charities of Kansas City serves 67 families. Annually, it provides lodging to nearly 5,000 families and supports more than 46,000 visits from inpatients and their families at its Family Room space within Children’s Mercy Hospital. By providing a comfortable place to stay, warm meals and other supportive services, RMHC-KC works to keep families together during a difficult time. Families staying at RMHC-KC will experience a safe, peaceful environment so they can focus on what’s most important: their child’s health.

Feel free to pass this on to your local schools, church groups, local scout troops and see if you can be the winners on this contest. This would also count as community service hours which I know is required in many school districts in the metro.

Have a great philanthropic Wednesday!

Stacey

If you enjoyed what you read, please join me on Facebook. And comment for heavens sake! What are ya…mutes?! I know you are reading this schtuff! 😉 I’m starting to feel like the girl on the bleachers at the 7th grade dance people!

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The Oh, Crap My Kid Knows How to Read Giveaway

I have always been a firm believer in not teaching your children to read until they are old enough to appreciate the dirty books you have in your bookshelf.

So I don’t know why I encouraged both of my girls to read – or even the alphabet – because by the time they finished Kindergarten, they were into Chapter books. Over achievers already? Great.

Many parents might think, “Shut up and stop bragging about your kids, why don’tcha!” But, honest, I am purely using this as a reference for my current household problem.

Studying the art of “fraternity humor” at a young age, I was introduced to some of the great comedians. I became a connoisseur of comic geniuses whose foul mouths and sarcastic quips drew me in more than Saturday morning cartoons.

Artists like:

The Van Gogh’s of cinema – Animal House and Caddy Shack.

The Seurat’s of television – Taxi, Soap and M*A*S*H

And I still love a funny book where the author isn’t afraid to let their vocabulary fly south. It’s when you appreciate a fine Pinot Noir, but on occasion all you really want is a Budweiser – and it’s as good as it’s gonna get!

So when my six year-old daughter started to nose around my office desk, looking for reading material; I knew it was time to put my stash up on the highest shelf.

Of course, when you forget and are reading a new hit parenting humor book, and accidentally leave it on your bed stand, conversations like this arise:

Munchkin #2 (age 6): Mama, I love your book.

Me: You read my book? (assuming she read “I Just Want to Pee Alone”) *Oh, boy!*

M2: It’s my new favorite. I love the cwappy baby the most.

Me: What did you say?! (M2 speaks with a slight lisp so I thought perhaps I heard her wrong.)

M2: I like the Cwappy Boy too. He’s so funny. I want to draw pictures of all my Cwappy Baby dolls and make a Cwappy book like that one. It’s Epic!

Me: It IS a funny book, but you can’t say the word “crappy” in public. It’s actually a naughty word. And you will get in big trouble if you say it in school or church, and definitely at GRANDMAS.

M2: Oh, I didn’t know.

(long pause)

M2: Do you think that Cwappy Papa looks like Daddy?!

Now Munchkin #2 did manage to get this one right. Amber Dusick the hilarious author of the book “Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures” not only snagged my child, but she continually hits home-runs with her humor in her popular blog.

So in honor of kids learning to read, and appreciating a good comedian when you see one, I am giving away a FREE COPY of her book to the winner of the contest.

And since I am in a giving mood – Paige Kellerman, writer of the intelligent and snappy blog, “There’s More Where That Came From,” has a new hilarious book, At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles: Mostly-True Tales of An Impending Miracle, which is selling like gang-busters.

Paige and I were on the morning TV show, Kansas City LIVE! this last Tuesday, and she is freakin’ hilarious and talented. Plus, her gams are longer than I am tall! After meeting her in person, I now love her more than my orthopedic insoles in my running shoes. (And if you think I actually run in those suckers, you be Krazy!)

So I thought I would throw in a copy of her book as well for spits and giggles!!

The winner will be chosen by Rafflecopter and I will announce the winner on this website on Friday, August 30, 2013 at 8:00am CST.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck to you all!

And if you don’t enter the contest, please join me on my Nurse Mommy Laughs Facebook page – the Stacey Hatton one is boring (sorry) or Twitter if you get some urges!


Stacey

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Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot Book is Outstanding

minivan meltdowns merlot

When I was approached to read Carolyn Coppola’s first book, the first thing I asked her “people” was, “Is that also the name of her blog? Because the title is brilliant!”

I got the response of, “Uh…No. Who are YOU again?” This tends to happen to me a lot when I speak, text or email.

Apparently, Ms. Coppola doesn’t have a blog, which I didn’t even know there were such people out there; but it’s true, so she actually has adequate time to focus on being a mom and a published author. What a novel idea. This “book writing” thing must be a new thing.

People I am here to tell you her book Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot; which she wrote after having children – and I’m assuming were living in her house and distracting her and all – hopefully, is the first of many to come because this mothah can pen a funny story.

Not only does she seem to be a magnet for hilarious people (friends and critics), but she is has mastered the craft of silly mom antics as well. One of my favorite things about her writing is how she shares her relationships with her friends. From her best friend Chrissie who makes Lucy and Ethel look boring, to her trendy and neat-freak “gay friend Dave,” who hasn’t a clue what it takes to raise kids; these stories will make you shriek out at the absurdity of her life with them in it.

Another reason why I found myself drawn to her book is it’s so relatable to all women:

My favorite quote is “I’ve often found myself thinking about how useful a catheter and an IV drip of coffee would be.” I thought this gal must be a nurse! But no she just knows what it takes to get through the day with a gaggle of kids and no time for herself.

Carolyn has a refreshing writing style which is… she writes like a story teller. So many writers today have not either been taught this or just choose not to use this critical style. She has a beginning, middle and end, and she heightens the drama through each chapter so you NEED to know what happens.

cscoppola-1353511042_600

She also does not throw around profanity for gratuitous reasons. Yes, there are a few words here and there but you don’t hardly notice them because they are appropriate for the story and not just put there to get a rise out of the reader. I personally enjoy this style and know many other moms will too.

Nurse Mommy gives Minivans, Meltdowns and Merlot 4 suckers and 2 stickers for this great book!!!

It would be a fabulous summer read for any mom.

You can order yours here:

Minivans, Meltdowns and Merlot at Amazon

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