Some of you may have heard but there was a Blizzard in the Land of Oz (Kansas) where I click my heels together thrice to return to what is my home. Last year I purposefully purchased my husband a snow blower knowing that when the women in my family do so, there will be absolutely NO snow for the season. And as predicted, less than an inch fell in 2012. It was the Land of AHHHHS for me that year because did I mention that I HATE SNOW. It is worse than a blowout diaper while traveling on the highway with only a box of dry wet wipes on hand.
Snow sucks harder than your child getting the norovirus and yelling out, “Mom” in the middle of the night and in mid scream leans over and barfs on the child in the lower bunk…right on their head at 3 a.m. That’s how much I don’t like snow. Not that this ever happened, but ew.
Now I know there are a bunch of you out there who L-U-V snow and the pretty white snowflakes, and building snow forts with your children and throwing snowballs and sledding your bodies into large oak trees; but that ain’t mah bag!! Unfortunately, I don’t want to taint my children’s perception of the white precipitation from hell, so I keep my lips zipped and pull up my big girl boots and put on my silly lamb hat and waddle outside looking 4 sizes heftier than I already do naked. This does NOT make mama happy!
And to further complicate matters, my husband whom I adore and would do just “about” anything to make him happy is a SNOW HOUND. Nothing makes him happier than snow. Anything that involves snow is up his alley. So isn’t it fair to assume he should be the parent to teach the children the finer parts of snow love?
Well, apparently since no women in my family purchased a snow blower this year, Mother Nature decided to dump over 12 inches of bitter cold white crap on my street, blocking my vehicle in the garage which never is a wise thing to do. I start to get cramped up and itchy and need to road trip…like to Key West. If only the planes could take off!
So as I stayed indoors watching my husband and children frolic in the wet powder, I noticed out our kitchen window how our neighbor’s dog was going to have a rough time with all this snow. All of the snow from their roof had blown off and completely blocked their back door. How is that poor dog going to pee?
SPEAKING OF PEE…
(Nice, huh?! Did you see what I did there?!)
I am going to be in another book titled, I JUST WANT TO PEE ALONE, by Jen (just Jen…like Cher) who has a strong literary history of punching people in the neck/cervical area -not to be confused with punching in the cervix- that’s an entirely different Jen. Along with 35+ other funny blogging mothas (and some of them are really famous!); we are going to be published in a collection of humor essays, which should come out in March 2013 at Amazon.com (buy on Nurse Mommy Laughs website and I get a small percentage of sale, otherwise nada!), bookstores, Kindle, Nooks, and ipads. This is sumpin’ fancy!!
Here are a few of the co-authors works, so you can start getting excited and saving up your pennies to get ya one of these here books! You don’t want to miss out on this one:
RachRiot is one hilarious writer who is new to blogging, but she is one you are going to be hearing of for years! Her post Vermont is for Lesbians had me screaming!
Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess shares her downward dog tale of running with her tail between her legs after yoga in Clearly, at 38, I am still too immature for yoga.
You’re my favorite today. is written by a zany mom after my own heart; she tells her stories about raising kids for 17 years and how she got through it. Parents of small children, gather around had me hurting when I first read it.
Since we are on an urination theme today…
Snow Ice Cream for EVERYONE…
Parents, please remember to teach your children before they go outside to play in the snow, that the yellow snow is NOT lemon. Don’t ever say I don’t care about your health!
Here is a recipe I found…remember WHITE SNOW people!!!
CLICK HERE FOR RECIPE at Life With Moore Babies blog