Need Funny Mother’s Day Gift Ideas? Nurse Mommy Can Help!

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So Mother’s Day is around the corner and if you are like me you are hitting your head on the wall and thinking, “Oh, GREAT another holiday which is supposed to be about ME, but I need to make sure I get all the gifts for every other mother in the free world, so I am not hated, shunned and kicked out of the will.”

Am I the only one feeling this? The guilt!!! Where art thou coming from?

No, really, I love gift giving. I’m a giver by nature. As long as I have a coupon, remember the date or give a flip about the person. Mother’s Day is another opportunity to spread the love to all the important women in my life; and for one day out of the year, have my husband make my cup of coffee in bed. *That was not supposed to sound dirty.*

Therefore, to help you with gift giving ideas for YOUR mother this year, I have done a little research and found some of the best gifts on the market. I hope this saves you some precious time finding the perfect gift for your type of mom.

Nurturing Mom
Mom’s Favorite Child Mug – ($14.49) If you know your mother fits in this category, she probably has made you feel as if you are her favorite child. So why not remind her every morning at coffee? This mug is cuter than a bug and will bug your siblings to no end!MUGG-6928-4

Maybe You Touched Your Genitals Hand Sanitizer – ($5.99) – Your mother who is always watching out for your well-being, will be delighted to receive this product on her special day. After all, you never know who has been playing with their “Jimmy” before greeting the church parishioners.SANI-1841

Adventurous Mom
Go Girl – ($12.99) – If you have a mom who is worldly or the outdoorsy type, this next product is the cat’s meow! Just reach into your hiking gear, the glove box or your evening bag and pull out your rubber female urination device (aka girl penis). Then just drop trow, squat where ever you want, and your mom can now pee with the aim of a sharp shooter. (Available in camouflage or hot pink.)goGirl_prodShot3_hp

The Funny Mom
The Wine Rack Flask Bra – Nothing says, “Mom, since I weaned off of you, you look like you could use a little inflating…AND a hit of wine!” You can get this for only $32.99!!Wine Rack Bra

***I Just Want to Pee Alone – ($8.99) – Best-selling book in parenting humor on Amazon and iTunes is the PERFECT gift for any mother. 37 top mom bloggers co-authored this outrageous compilation of essays about motherhood and it will keep you laughing out loud. Oh, if you haven’t heard…I’m on page 121.

***This is the author’s favorite choice. Not only because she is in the book, but because every time you purchase one of these books, she will make money, which she is fond of. Just telling you the facts, Jack!

Here I am with the fabulous editor and co-author of the book, Jen (“just Jen”) of People I Want to Punch in The Throat. She is a savvy business woman and funny gal, but to protect my throat for the taping I used a flesh colored flotation device around my neck for this live TV interview on Friday, May 25, 2013.

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Getting Kinky on Tuesday

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Happy Tuesday Nurse Dose -

Happy Tuesday Nurse Dose -

You know how some know-it-all people who have medical degrees and lots of letters behind their names like to tell you they are right. Well, I’m not talking about ME, thank-you! I only have two measly letters, R-N and I’m here to tell you some days I just don’t have the answer. Okay. MOST days I don’t have the answer. Do you think I could reach 3 octaves on the piano with my tush if I had all the answers?

So last week was a little overwhelming with life and schtuff and really…NOTHING! My family is happy and healthy. God bless them *patoohee* (That was me spitting for good luck. Fine. I won’t do that again) I really have nothing to complain about. Life is grand. So why does my body think I’m uber-stressed out?

Let’s just say, this morning I get in the shower, and as I’m writing on my Shower Notes my next blog post, article and book idea (hot water gets mah brain racing), I feel a pinch in my neck. Whatever. I’m working in the shower and have a full hot water heater waiting for me and my shower-writing is going great. Stretch it out a bit and it will be fine.

And stretch it out you, Oldies! -

And stretch it out you oldies! –

Hello, darkness my old friend. I’d love to shove you down the holes in the shower drain. How many times a year do people throw their neck out? I don’t know!! I’m asking YOU. I SAID I don’t know all the answers!! Apparently, I’m a little testy when I’m hurting. I apologize, but…

Like we say in the medical field, “Somebody better up that girl’s meds, and quick!”

I need a little help here! -

I need a little help here!

Unfortunately, I won’t be medicated until the children are asleep and my uncle Jose Cuervo will come for a visit. Uncle, please bring your niece a lime! So until then, I will take a few more Advil, apply ice and count the minutes until tequila sundown.

Nurse Mommy does not recommend Uncle Jose Cuervo for persons under the age of 21 in the United States.
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NEW TEEN CRAZE: Cinnamon Challenge Poses Bodily Harm

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This is NOT a joke.

This is NOT a joke.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the teens are doing stupid stuff again. And I am compelled once again to bring it to your attention. I know, I know, when AREN’T adolescents doing moronic things with their BFFs, but that is beside the point. We all did our share – it’s part of our development and our right as citizens of this planet. But information/education can save lives and that is my job as a computerized nurse.

“Cinnamon challenges” have been on the news recently (and all over YouTube) warning parents about the dangers this youthful game can present on their health. You might have laughed it off or thought, “Boy, glad my kid isn’t that stupid!”

But I’m here to tell you, the Governor of Illinois was caught on YouTube choking down cinnamon because he thought this “game” wasn’t that dangerous. People are not aware of the severe lasting effects of this challenge.

This popular challenge is when persons eat a large spoonful of ground cinnamon. The spice itself is not toxic, but the problem arises when the person ingesting the powdered spice starts to laugh, choke or cough and the particles go down their airways instead of their esophagus to their stomach. Cinnamon dust particles in the lungs are dangerous.

According to the New York Times, “A report published in the journal Pediatrics on Monday found that the stunt has led to a growing number of calls to poison control centers and visits to emergency rooms. Some teenagers have suffered collapsed lungs and ended up on ventilators.” Large quantities adhered to the lungs when inhaled, causes inflammation and scarring of the lungs resembling emphysema.

For the full New York Times report by Anahad O’Connor, click here: Consequences of the ‘Cinnamon Challenge’

Even if you think your child wouldn’t do something this ridiculous, just trust me and bring it up casually at dinner. See if they have heard of someone doing this challenge and check if they think it’s funny. NOW you will have your educating moment.

Good luck and let me know how your talk went. I’d love to hear back from you all, to hear how kids are responding to this around the country. ~ Stacey

This one is really extreme and she is choking. Her “friend” the cameraman laughs through the entire thing. Don’t let this be your child. THIS MIGHT BE DISTURBING FOR SOME VIEWERS
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