“Not-Your-Kid’s-Mother’s-Day” Present Giveaway

Is that Sir Perky, or are you happy to see me?

Toxic perfumes that smell like the inside of your grandmother's underwear drawer, malformed ceramic dinosaurs, bright red lipstick that goes on orange and won't come off without Goop Off... Do any of these sound like past Mother's Day gifts from your kids or husband? They should. It's a right of passage for all children. My mother never wore to church the whorish pink lipstick I gave her in the first grade; and I'm a still a bit miffed about it. But I'm not bitter... So if you feel like ... [ Read More ]

Incredible Mother’s Day Giveaway – (Abby Has Issues)

momgiveaway2014

The brilliant and incredibly funny, Abby of "Abby Has Issues," has created one of the best Mother's Day giveaways this year. If you love to read and laugh out loud, you must click over to her blog and enter to win this set of books: I Just Want to Be Alone I Just Want to Pee Alone - Nurse Mommy Laughs (Stacey Hatton) Suburban Haiku - Peyton Price Something Smells Like Pee: And Other Classy Observations - Blythe Jewell Mommy Had a Little Flask - AK Turner Part of my World: Short Stories ... [ Read More ]

Happy May Day, Mr. Dumas!

Dear Mr. Dumas, Happy May Day! I know it is a normal custom to bestow friends and neighbors with lovely May baskets filled with beautifully fragrant flowers to celebrate the lovely day. Apparently, you however didn’t get the memo? No flowers? No construction paper cones with freehand crayon drawings? No stolen lilacs from the neighbor’s bushes? It hurts me that you didn’t take the time or effort to think of me until you saw me pull up into the driveway of the school drop off lane. ... [ Read More ]

Do You Have Pepsi or Coke Products?

The sweet cooled drinks with ice

Over the weekend, one of the great mysteries of the world was revealed. It didn’t happen in a dark alley, or a petting zoo in Katmandu; but in a dimly lit, quiet booth back in the corner of a room. It is where a tall, dark stranger enlightened me. (And no that isn’t ‘code’ for anything) I gazed deep into his eyes and asked the all too familiar question, “Do you have Coke or Pepsi products?” He said, “Coke. What can I get you?” “Diet Coke,” I nodded, knowing I had won and was to receive ... [ Read More ]

Munchkin Roads: Munchkin #1 Gets her First “Oscar”

Elementary school maths class with teacher

This week was another second-grade field trip and I almost didn’t chaperone. "Why?" you ask. Because I have gone to almost all of them for both girls and I’m old, crabby and tired of herding kittens! You asked. Then it occurred to me my girls are getting closer to the age where they won’t want me to come to their events. Some day my daughters won’t want to walk through a museum holding my hand - where they actually grab it first. I need to be cognoscente of this reality and ... [ Read More ]

TSA, a Cleansing of Hands and a Book Signing?

Blue gloves on a hand on a grey background

As I chatted in the airport with other humor writers from the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, we laughed about our favorite moments of the weekend. It was impossible to pick one moment; and surprisingly, each of us had completely different experiences - yet stellar nonetheless. We hadn’t entered the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) checkpoint for I had a full bottle of Diet Coke and heaven forbid I waste that liquid gold. Plus, I needed to get my monies worth since out of ... [ Read More ]

Nurse Mommy Letter: Forgot the Cute Wittle Kitty Pic

"I love me some fresh Kansas meat!"

Dear Nurse Mommy, I was reading your story about your tiger incident at the Omaha zoo. Holy hairballs! That sounds terrifying. Thank goodness the glass that separated the big cat from you and your munchkins remained in tact. I can't believe the woman next to you saw a crack in the glass. That doesn't sound so great for the next squatter. You said that you were clicking the camera as you fell backward from the window. Did you happen to get a photo of the attack? If so, could you please post ... [ Read More ]

Crouching Mama Hides From Tiger

Tigerpicmonk

Last month, my young grade school-aged daughters and I took a girl’s trip to Omaha, Nebraska. It was their first trip to this city; and essentially my first, since I don’t recollect mine (cough) years ago. Even though I could blame it on poor memory or age –it was just a classic college weekend, brimming with consumption activities and perhaps dancing on fixed furniture. My girls and I stayed in the Old Market district, which was convenient for vacationing families since it’s near the ... [ Read More ]

Dear Hubby, while I’m at the Erma Bombeck conference…

ErmaBombeck2

Dearest Hubby, You know I have a list three pages long of things the kids need for school, homework, school drop off etiquette, medicines, lunches, snacks, those damn water bottles, and backpacks; but don't let the size of the list overwhelm you. I'm sure there are some moms who could just say, here are the kids, give you a kiss and jump on a plane to Ohio for the weekend - but that has never been my style. You knew this when you married my crazy self. Or maybe you didn't, but you figured ... [ Read More ]

KC Live’s! Mommy Panel Chats about Easter and Kids

Several readers have requested that I post the videos of my monthly appearances on morning television. I think they might be drunk or just trying to get on my good side, but I hate to disappoint my parents, so here is this month's show. Today I had the great pleasure of joining the talented and funny moms, Snarky in the Suburbs and Paige Kellerman, on Kansas City Live!(KSHB-TV) to dish about Easter and how we will manage the great sugar rush without injuries. ... [ Read More ]

Keeping Your Family Connected

keepingyourfamilyconnected

One of the most difficult parenting challenges in this century has to be the added stressors of parents traveling for work. In the past, a traveling salesman would go door-to-door or perhaps drive or fly overnight, but not nearly as frequent as today. Plus, the extended stays are becoming more common. So how does a family successfully connect with a key family figure absent on a regular basis? Technology assists in this bonding, although it does take thought, effort and time; however, many ... [ Read More ]