Summer Myths of Poison Ivy, Mosquito Bites & Sunburns

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(first posted on Nurse Mommy Laughs May 2013) Are YOU as Smart as Your Pediatrician? Welcome to the game show Are You as Smart as Your Pediatrician?! Today’s contestant is Dr. Bryan Wohlwend from Priority Care Pediatrics. Are you ready to see if you are as smart as this pediatrician by answering these questions regarding summertime? We’ll find out soon if you know your heated facts or are you just caught up in the tall tales of summer. Let’s begin. True or False: 1) Poison ivy ... [ Read More ]

My Aunt, the Crazy Feral Cat Lady

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There are dog people. There are cat people. And there are people who prefer animals to people. My Great Aunt Fedalma, or Feddy Lorretti, as I called her the last year of her life, fit the last two categories to a tee. This woman in my genetic pool was so complex an entire book should be dedicated to her and her idiosyncrasies; but I won’t tackle that one. Hopefully, someone in the family will. Lord knows there is a wealth of wacko for them to delve into. But one of the most ... [ Read More ]

Drama Queens Crying Over Spilled Yogurt

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Do you happen to have melodramatic, or as I like to say “passionate,” children in your home? In the medical world, we say these creative kids are predominately using their right-brain more than the analytical or left-side of the brain. At our house we are a 50-50 brain split. My husband, the engineer has his mini-version of himself (our cute - but girly daughter, Munchkin #1) and this writer/nurse/ex-theatre gal has a “mini-me.” (Prayers are welcomed!) It works out great during family ... [ Read More ]

LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL

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So have you crossed over to the other side? To the days of summer? A time when all kids are exhausted from working so hard, that they have morphed into a pile of dirty laundry and returned school art projects. Perhaps you have older children and finals are done. Since these teens lost so much sleep during the last few weeks studying, their nonexistent immune systems have caused them to come down with a case of the plague. Good luck to you all on that. No fun! At my humble abode, we have ... [ Read More ]

Ticked Post Office Customer Goes Postal on Blog

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Dear Post-Office-Counter-Jerkface-Disgrace, I wanted to be the first to congratulate you, Sir, on your nearing retirement! You look really great for your age because I thought you were closer to 58, and wouldn’t have dreamed with your government job you would be living the life of luxury. But what do I know? I’m just a lowly customer writer who inconvenienced you at 9:00am by asking for a single PIECE. OF. TAPE!! Really? You can’t spare a square? I can see if I had shown up five ... [ Read More ]

Getting off my bucket to scratch asparagus off my list

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THE KANSAS CITY STAR - May 16, 2014 BY STACEY HATTON Stacey Hatton (left) got a lesson in picking asparagus from Jon Nelson (center) and Stephen Bowman of Pendleton’s Kaw Valley Country Market. Ever since I graduated from college many years ago, I have been heading to Pendleton’s Kaw Valley Country Market in the spring. My big hair was firmly starched with Aussie Sprunch hairspray in those early days, and I strutted my acid-washed jean shorts and my faux Ray Bans. My family never ... [ Read More ]

It Ain’t Funny Until Somebody Pees Their Pants

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Typically, I awake Tuesday mornings and a sense of dread washes over my body. Not the kind like you are about to have a root canal or a colonoscopy, but this is the one day of the week which is crammed with too many activities. I like to keep busy, but when I start having to practice deep breathing exercises in the shower and picture curling up in the fetal position in the closet, there might be scheduling problems. The other morning was like all other Tuesdays and I was the only one to ... [ Read More ]

MUNCHKIN ROADS: Erma Bombeck’s inspiration

When I attended the Erma Bombeck Writers' Workshop this year, I bought a coffee mug with a quote on it that inspired Erma to have confidence in her abilities and to move forward with her career. This one phrase said to her by a teacher at the University of Dayton in Ohio changed her life - and still to this day the repetition of the story changes many other writers lives as well. The mug says, "You Can Write." That's it. Simple, but powerful. Powerful enough to motivate me to buy the ... [ Read More ]

Crappy Mother’s Day!

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As my own mother firmly instructed me over the phone, to “NOT get her anything for Mother’s Day,” the wheels started to creak in my blonde, aging head… Although it’s nice to get recognition for being a mother once a year - by ingesting a mandatory brunch and getting some vegetable seedlings and a bag of manure - I can only think it’s yet another holiday, which is torturous for some. Plain and simple. Mother’s Day sucks for some women. I dare you to find a Hallmark card with that ... [ Read More ]

Trying Not to Curse on Live TV Every Month

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As I was driving home from the TV station yesterday, my supportive and loving husband called to ask how the show went. Even though he is working hard doing Engineery things, he stops his brilliant mind for a few minutes to think of me and wonder how I’m doing. He’s mine, Ladies – back off! You see for the past 6 months, I have been one-third of The Mommy Panel on KSHB-TV’s Kansas City Live! morning talk show. Our trio of humorists/writers, who also happen to be mothers, appear on this program ... [ Read More ]