Dinner for Two to Pick Your Final Resting Place

Man with winning lottery ticket excited and smiling

Recently I received the most peculiar invitation in the mail. This gem contained complimentary admission tickets “good for two” persons for FREE FOOD! Now with the hunger crisis widespread throughout our country, why on earth were they trying to give ME and my plus one a free meal? At first I was keyed up by the prospect of someone wanting to award me something, especially if that something might include perhaps ice cream; but then I remembered a prophet's advice, “No one gives out ice cream for free, unless they want something in return.” So I called my mother, who is the oldest person I talk to on a regular basis, so that puts her closest to prophet status. I asked her, “Do you think this free meal is some kind of a scheme?” Being that she is a savvy retired elementary school ... [ Read More ]

Parenting with Anxiety isn’t for Lightweights

Desperate woman covering her face with her hands

Spiders and Skeeters and Ticks, Oh Crap! Sometimes parenting with anxiety can set you into panic mode. Sound familiar? You can try to breathe through it or think logically; but somewhere down the road, the brain pathways have changed and different events can trigger the signs of panic. Some symptoms are a racing mind, increased heart rate, perspiration, diarrhea, nausea and/or the mothah of all evils…the PANIC ATTACK. If you haven’t experienced one of these bastards, you are fortunate and hopefully aren't scoffing at those people “blowing things out of proportion,” or “getting upset over nothing.” Why are they freaking out, you ask? After living with anxiety for most of my adult life - researching the condition and through treatment - I’ve learned a bit about it. Genetics ... [ Read More ]

Dreaming of Relaxing Poolside

Poolside

Relaxing Poolside in a Burkha Memorial Day is right around the corner and everything I love about this time of year is coming full throttle. Children are salivating for that first full-bodied splash into the freezing waters of a swimming pool. Actually, any body of water will do, as long as it’s outdoors and not a bathtub. Kids don’t care if the water is only 50 degrees, foul smelling, green and filled with last summer’s bugs and diseases. As soon as the bathing suit is on and the American flag is hanging high, they are off and running for the closest water source. It’s also the season where mother’s think, “Ah, bleep! I knew there was something I left off my to-do list.” The dreaded squeeze your pale, flaky, hibernating-fatted body into the first bathing suit of the season is a ... [ Read More ]

Ladies, Even YOU can Have a Midlife Crazy

To Burn In Hell. Grungy female portrait

Go ahead, you know you want to do it I’m a slow bloomer - at least in the midlife crisis department. I could give a rip how old I am, or that I don’t drive a sports car. Why stress over the fact that my abs are donned in a fat parka ready for the first hard freeze? But what I am noticing are scores of women making drastic changes in their lives. They've got a case of Midlife Crazy. Once believing only men went through radical midlife plights, I am now forced to reevaluate my judgmental ways. I have known handfuls of women performing extraordinary measures (occasionally up to a DD) to get noticed. Tiny tucks and nearly nips have been common practice by hoards of women on TV and a neighborhood near you. Needles filled with paralytics inserted into their facial features are just as common ... [ Read More ]