So the first day of Kindergarten is one of those days that is bittersweet to so many of us parents. You love ‘em dearly and know you will miss their bright sunny faces, warm surprise hugs and funny, funny, FUNNY things that come out of their mouths; but truth be known…I was ready. Munchkin#1 was ready. Husband was at work, so it didn’t affect his day any differently, but the girls here at the ole fort were ready for the “big transition.” “The beginning of your school career.” “The first day of the rest of your life!!!” K-I-N-D-Y-G-A-R-D-E-N!
Now I didn’t want to blow it up to be such a big deal that when she got there she would be like, “Where’s the candy and the ponies, Dude-Mom?” But I didn’t want to just throw her to the lions either. This is a big deal when you go the whole summer with Mamacita and Munchkin#2 and then go to school for the entire day! Yes. Full day Kindergarten and I’m sticking to it. She will be 6 in several weeks and that girl can already read. She needs her some school darn it!
So everyone is lined up already for the big day with the other parents and other kids in their shiny new shoes and clean backpacks awaiting the doors to open. Parents are fake smiling, not because they aren’t glad to see you, but because they are literally holding in more waterworks than the Hoover dam and Damn if it weren’t true because ladies and gents, I tell ya the minute the youngsters were in their classes, the mom’s could have brought out the urban kayaks and floated down the halls to their cars. So sad…
Now I am usually one of those sappy Hallmark commercial bawlers and cry when the Daddy comes home from the war and surprises his children and Lord when someone says “Move that bus!” there are tears of joy for these families; but sending my kid to kindergarten…..
***crickets chirping***
….I got nothing. I got nothing but TIME, time, time to talk to my other child. Finish some work. Cook a meal. Maybe exercise again!! Yippee.
3:30…door opens and child is at end of line waiting for me to pick her up. She waves and smiles. Flood gates open, crocodile tears (ugly tears along with mucus) stream down my face. I missed my baby girl. She did it and she is so grown up! So proud of the young girl she is becoming!!! She runs into my arms and announces, “THIS WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!” And of course, I wasn’t there to experience it with her. I think I just became a mother!
previously published in Simply KC magazine August 2011 issue
by Stacey Hatton
The first time leaving your infant with a babysitter, how well did you fare? Comfort levels tend to wax and wane with how many referrals you have, age and experience of the sitter, or if they have taken a babysitting course.
However, there are many factors allowing you to have a pleasant evening away from the kiddos, as opposed to checking your phone every 30 minutes or your mind playing out various scenarios…like your children tying up the sitter and destroying the custom made drapes with your new zigzag scissors.
FINDING A SITTER
Since you want to find someone mature, and oozing with common sense, yet bubbly, and truly loves kids, word of mouth is usually where you begin. Recommendations from friends, coworkers, neighbors or those at your child’s pediatrician’s office or school can be a great place to start. Here are some categories of sitters you may consider.
Mother’s Helper
Since “tweens” aren’t developmentally ready for watching children solely by themselves, this job is a perfect warm-up job for them. Parents can mold their helper into a babysitter who will be perfect for their future needs. A parent should be present in the home while the helper assists with responsibilities of caring for the children and household duties. Pay rates nationally start anywhere from minimum wage ($7.25/hr in KS and MO), closer to a regular babysitter rate. But many parents in the KC Metro, pay far less than this since the parent is present in the home while the helper is assisting. Rates vary on the responsibilities, experience, number of children to be cared for, and region of the country.
Traditional Babysitter
Finding a babysitter that thoroughly enjoys playing with kids and not just texting friends and planning the next “big party” is important. If they have taken a babysitting course, usually this is an indicator they are serious about this as a job and not just wanting to sit and watch TV and collect money at the end of the night.
Barb Dalbey and Sharon Hammer, the instructors of Babysitting 101 at Blue Valley Recreation Center are sisters, previous babysitters, and now parents. Certified in first aid and CPR, they discuss splinter removal, bee stings, and how to prepare a babysitter flyer. “We teach them how to unclog a toilet,” says Barb laughing. After the sisters had an unfortunate babysitting incident, where a child tried to flush all the stuffed animals down the bowl, they added water valve turn-off as part of the curriculum. Sharon says, “We also teach how to handle safety issues, like fire, and prevention of any accidents.”
Team of Babysitters
When my children were infants (14 months apart) bedtime was horrific. We could hardly do it as parents, so how could we get a teenager to do it? So instead of being locked in our home for years, we came up with a plan to hire teen friends from our church. They worked in the nursery so we knew they were good with kids and they were best friends and loved spending time together. They were going to hang out together anyway over the weekend and now they had someone to pay them to do it!
Pre-Interview of Sitter
Have a list of questions to ask the sitters made up in advance. Many sitters these days have taken a babysitting course, so they are prepared to answer these questions. It is important to know if they have any training in first aid, choking or certification in child or infant CPR. The Kansas City American Red Cross has a Babysitter’s Training class and the Training Manager, Susan Seiter, says her, “students are taught the basic care of children of various ages, how to spot hazards, rescue breathing, and first aid, as well as basic child development and good decision making skills.”
A “practice run” during the another day is helpful, if you have a long event coming up or something out of town to make sure you are comfortable with the sitter. Asking your kids afterwards, is a good monitor too! Lastly, have emergency information and household rules out in an easy location for quick reference if needed.
Know Emergency Information
- First and last name of kids and parents
- Phone number and address of home (calling 9-1-1, they need to give these out)
- Children’s birthdates
- Health insurance company name
- Parents cell phone numbers AND the number of the place they will be
- Neighbors phone numbers
- · Poison Control (1-800-222-1222)
Household Rules
- Lock all doors.
- Close blinds and lock windows.
- Don’t open door to anyone.
- Keep porch light on.
The other day I gave a talk in Kansas City to a group of mothers who were so similar, in that they loved their babies/children; yet they all couldn’t have been more different in their situations. I loved getting to know each and every one of them and wished I could take ‘em all out for a grand dinner and hours of talk about our kids, but the evening had to end because somebody had to take care of ALL THOSE CHILDREN!!! And there were a LOT of kids!!! 
Later that night, I had a dream that I birthed a litter of children. Not all at once, granted. But my house was so full of kids that my eyes were bleary and reddened, my hair was frazzled and graying, and my uterus weighed so much that my belly hung a good 2 feet past my knees… It wasn’t purdy, people!
The following day when I awoke, all I was able to think about – other than my grossly enlarged uterus (of course) – was how some women can birth so many babies. I started envisioning how I would lug them all around to Target when my husband was away on business. Could I get curbside valet at Target? Or could I just have a standing order of Huggies, wipes and detergent waiting for me like the carryout parking place at Applebees? Just call in my order on speed-dial.
If I couldn’t get the stores to agree to this, would I be able to strap on enough of those Baby Bjorns to my body? One on the front, one to the rear; maybe one on each leg? Then just have the older ones hold onto a knotted rope and walk in a line everywhere we went. I mean this dream had me messed up and praising out for the two fabulous ones I have.
I guess I understand how some people leave their birth control up to their Higher Power, or how some people have baby fever; but at the birthing of my youngest, my Higher Power screamed in my ear, “You are OLD! Tie those tubes up, Lady!” Now you have to respect a command straight from the Heavens. I’m almost positive it was God yelling this to me. It was either the good Lord from above…or my husband, who was standing over my head during my c-section – Hubby’s voice is quite powerful and could be mistaken for deities if juiced up enough. Any hoo… I know we made the best decision…
…and God Bless my Uterus!
Simply KC magazine July 2011 issue
by Stacey Hatton
Whether your child is running to the neighbors, the pool, riding his bike in the street or high-tailing it to catch the ice cream man; summertime brings out scads of children on our residential streets. So as parents, we need to remind our children, our new teen drivers and ourselves to keep a watchful eye and share the roadways.
Educate Child Pedestrians
Safe Kids USA reported in “Remind Children and Teens of Pedestrian Safety” (D. Kohnle, May 2011) parents should discuss with their kids about street safety several times throughout the summer:
- Obey traffic signals and signs.
- Pedestrians must stop, look left, right, then left again before crossing street (paying watchful attention while crossing.)
- Always walk against traffic on a path or sidewalk.
- Whenever sunlight is faint, take a flashlight while wearing reflective clothing or gear.
- Take the safest route to a regular destination, such as school or a friend’s house. The route should have the fewest intersections.
Parental Tips for Teens
“Adolescents aren’t the best defensive drivers,” says the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). “This is a time where teen’s brains aren’t capable seeing consequences for their actions.”
Teenager car crashes are responsible for approximately 3,000 lives each year. The CDC reports, “Car crashes are the #1 killer of teens.”
With this frightening statistic, makes you want to hide the keys to the family car, huh? However, the problem is teens must learn to drive defensively and attentively, so they will grow into responsible adult drivers. And practice is the only way for them to perfect this skill.
1. House rules: Parents need to be crystal clear with their teen driver on the rules of the road. These are the family rules, not the state troopers. For example, no cell phone usage or texting while driving (however, texting is now illegal), only one other friend may be in the car when on the road, limit time on the highways to non-rush hour periods, no drinking, drugs, etc…)
- Teen drivers are four times more likely to be involved in a crash than experienced drivers.
- The risk of a fatal crash increases when teens have friends in the automobile.
- Night-time crashes increase 50% for 16-year-olds in comparison to daytime percentages.
2. Increase supervised driving time: Even if you think your adolescent is prepared for solo trips on the road, keep supervising them. Not only are they learning the physical techniques of driving a vehicle, but mentally they may have issues with not knowing the roads and the town like you may assume they know. With the anxiety of getting lost, on top of reading road signs and heavy traffic, it can be overwhelming even to a seasoned driver.
3. Hold child back: If you don’t think your child is a safe driver, there is nothing wrong with holding them back from getting behind the wheel alone. Plus, the more accidents for these young adults, the higher insurance premiums to deal with for YEARS to come.
4. Parent/teen contract: These can be effective for many families. Contact your insurance company or check online for these contracts so you can discuss expectations of your child.
Slow it Down!
Just remember this summer when you are rushing your kids to baseball games and practices, we all need to slow it down in residential areas. My grandfather used to always say,
“When you are driving down any residential street, you should be concentrating on looking for little feet underneath parked cars. If you see feet running under the front of a parked car, you can stop your vehicle before the child will get out in front of you.”
This “visual” leaves quite an imprint, and I hope it will for you as well. Please pass this story on to your new teen drivers and hopefully all of us can make our streets a bit safer for our “little ones” who haven’t learned to stay out of the roadways!
Okay, so I’ve never TRIED crack, but I can only imagine that the high I get when I drop my children off at my friend’s house every other Friday morning for a few hours to go grocery shopping sans the chillens, is much higher than smoking from a spoon or pipe or whatever the wacky folks are doing these days. 
If you ever happen to see a woman dancing and singing down the aisles at the Price Chopper, I’m telling you now…she isn’t insane or off her medications (well, I guess she could be), but odds are, she is free of her children and is able to buy the food she wants to purchase! NO interruptions by umpteen hundred questions, no melons toppling in the produce department and no dreaded whining when certain items don’t make it into the cart. It’s a beautiful thing and I highly recommend you find a “kid swapping” friend NOW!
Unfortunately, my brilliant friend didn’t come up with this idea until the last month of the summer. What were we thinking? We could have been doing this the entire summer and think of all the endorphins we could have created!
The other beauty is our kids get to know each other and learn to play together, practice sharing with kids other than their siblings; and since both sets are extremely creative, the time for the mom watching the kids is a hoot! They are hysterical with their creative play and dress-up and parades.
They actually enjoy each other so much that there hasn’t been one fight since the group of four has gotten together. So the mom watching the kiddos gets to stay close by, keep an ear open and get other things done.
Today I had the super heroes and Scooby Doo adventurers at my house. They were dressed in dance clothes, including tutus and boas, and I got laundry folded, my desk organized, read emails, and ended up with an idea for a blog…THIS ONE! I LOVE kid swap day!
Next week I will take my kids to my friend’s house, and they will have a blast playing with their Friday AM pals – and I will sing my way through the grocery, run some errands and perhaps get some writing done. It’s amazing how much one can do without children at home.
What on earth will I do when all of the kids are in school all day long? Read War and Peace or write my autobiography? An emphatic, “YES!” I say. When I’m not missing their cute little faces, dances and silly stories!!
KC Parent August 2011 issue
by Stacey Hatton, RN
All parents are overloaded by the Internet and the ever-accurate sources called moms groups. But media distracts from first-rate parental judgment. You rush through a pediatrician appointment for two earaches and strep throat, so there’s no time for education about the latest report from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), reporting children should NOT have energy drinks EVER, and sports drinks should be consumed only in moderation!
Sports Drinks
(Gatorade, Propel, POWERADE, etc…) Electrolyte replacement drinks are for adult athletes doing extreme training in the heat; so wouldn’t you assume this is true for your child’s playing sports in the same heat? Sometimes.
Dr. Kristen Stuppy, a pediatrician with Pediatric Partners in Overland Park, says that an occasional sports drink is fine, but it’s not to replace electrolytes. It’s simply as a treat. “Most school-aged kids don’t get to the level of training that requires a ‘sports drink,’” she says. “In our area, there are heat block outs, where kids cannot practice or play games. School-aged kids do not train at the level of a college athlete. Sports drinks have a lot of sugar, which is in excess of what kids need. Good nutrition all day and water before/during/after play is the best for the kids.”
Energy Drinks
(Red Bull, Monster, Rockstar, etc…) These drinks are heavily caffeinated, and some “contain more than 500 mg of caffeine, which is equivalent to the caffeine found in 14 cans of caffeinated soda,” reports Pediatrics journal.
Manufacturers can add sugar and the herbal stimulants guarana and taurine to their products, the effects of which on children are difficult to control. Dr. Stuppy’s take on these drinks: “First, caffeine is addictive. No one wants their child addicted to any substance that is not beneficial to overall health and has dangerous consequences.”
“Caffeine can elevate heart rate and blood pressure, cause headaches, nervousness and dizziness. Kids who drink caffeine sleep less – which is important for growth, body repair, behavior, concentration, and learning,” she says.
Parent Involvement
In addition, some kids are drinking energy drinks instead of sports drinks, thinking they are replacing their electrolytes. Because the energy drinks contain caffeine, which is a diuretic, they are doing more damage by pulling extra fluid out of their already fluid-hungry bodies. Final word: Parents, educate yourselves on these products and don’t assume that because they are marketed toward children they are safe for them.
Stacey Hatton is an Overland Park mom of two and pediatric nurse.
The Kansas City Star newspaper
published Wednesday, July 27, 2011
STACEY HATTON COMMENTARY
I am usually a sock drawer is half-full kind of gal, but I have a little confession to make…again.
This time it’s a touch more embarrassing, for it involves a great many of you and might step on some of your toes or your socks, if you are odd and wearing them in this heat. I’d like to formally apologize for my thoughts. I try to keep to the old adage, “If you have nothing nice to say, stick a sock in it.”
For numerous years (before my own children were born), I honestly believed that the parent who has the sole responsibility of performing the task of laundry was mentally less than par. Quite challenged, actually.
Why is it that for 25 years I was able to do my own laundry and lose nary a sock? Seriously. And the remainder of the spawning public has a drawer, a bucket, or some other container specifically set aside for the day when the returning matching socks will magically dance back to join the lone socks.
Kids these days are wearing mismatched socks — intentionally — which I think is brilliant! For all of you grandparents with young grandchildren and parents with only young kids, this is real!
However, this is where I ran out of my research grant funds, so the following may not be as accurate. According to some shady website, the average household has 6.467 missing socks. Some very tired mom in Dubuque, Iowa, with so many kids she didn’t know what to do had a dresser drawer full of mismatched socks and said, “I’ll feed one of ya dinner this week if you’ll wear the socks from the sock bucket.”
And that is the story how this fad started. Unfortunately, as a nurse, I had to report her to family services after the interview, but that is another can of worms.
So back to missing socks…I have no theory why socks disappear when you begin to have children. Do kids just take them off at school and leave them there? Wouldn’t the PTO send out an email notifying parents of the enormous collection of socks, or better yet auction them off to buy more books for the library?
One day my child came home from preschool wearing completely the wrong pair socks on her feet with an additional single sock in her backpack. How does this happen? And, I might add, I never saw the socks I sent her to school in that day. Perhaps since teachers don’t get paid enough and they have put up with our unruly children all day, it’s a perk to mess with the parent a bit, switching all their socks.
All I know is that it is something that can’t be avoided. My advice: Parents should buy more socks and get over it. Don’t invest in the expensive, fancy socks or you will be disappointed when they end up in another family’s washing machine at the end of the day.
And if this doesn’t comfort you, I don’t know what will: Even true princesses can’t keep a hold on their socks. I went to the Princess Diana exhibit at Union Station and there right in front of a wedding dress was a kid’s pink sock.
I like to imagine it belonged to one of Diana’s flower girls.
Stacey Hatton is a freelance writer and public speaker. You can find her weekly humor blog at http://nursemommylaughs.com.
A (VERY SHORT) ONE ACT
about losing it in Motherhood
(CRAZY WOMAN dressed in all black workout attire (a slimming color, you know) throws open back door to quiet suburb, since no one in their cotton pickin’ mind would hang out in 110 degree weather. She hollers back over her shoulder to what appears to be her children by all who are watching from their living room windows…) 
(CRAZY WOMAN is banging out placemats, napkins and various other seat cushions on the porch rails during her rant)
CRAZY WOMAN: I’VE HAD IT! NO MORE DOUGH OF ANY KIND! I’ve been the nice mom for four entire years. F-O-U-R years!! No other moms do that. They gave up that stuff years ago. Or better yet, they never allowed it in their house at all.
I knew you were creative children who needed an outlet for your artistic abilities, so I kept the mess around. And when it dried up…I faithfully bought you more! But not this time, ladies! Your mushy, molding days of clay are OVER!
(CRAZY WOMAN notices the multi-colored product is flying through the rails and sticking to her clothing)
CRAZY WOMAN: Oh, great! Now I match the kitchen floor and table. Don’t think that I am going to clean any more of this up. You kids need to get the vacuum out and hope you don’t suck up any of your other toys in the process!
DAUGHTER: (Oldest daughter – age 5, begins to cry) My birthday is coming up and I wanted that new game with the molding dough. It’s all I want for my birthday. My birthday is RUINED! Grandma will get it for me.
CRAZY WOMAN: If you talk one of your grandmothers into buying you some of that stuff, it either needs to stay at their house, OR you are going to have to play with it outside. AND I hope it doesn’t come in white. Might be a problem finding all the pieces when it snows!
(Cell phone rings in CRAZY WOMAN’S pocket. She answers it. Nods her head a few times.)
CRAZY WOMAN: (much more calm, and brushes off clothing) Honey, you can put the vacuum down. That was our cleaning service. They have been ringing the doorbell for 5 minutes and have been trying to come in.
CRAZY WOMAN: (heads back toward door; to daughter) How about I get you a pony for your birthday party instead? Wouldn’t that be awesome?!
© 2011, Hatton. All rights reserved.
No, Dad, I did nothing illegal! No, George W. I didn’t inhale yesterday (or exhale for that matter)! I was working on my blog and when I went to my regular design site, it shut down, the screen turned white and the word “crap” appeared with a lovely box asking me if I was “ok” with that. WHAT the _ _ _ _? Am I okay with that? Oh, sure, take over my computer you little bored, nothing-to-do-with-your-time-and-life-hacker and try to make this nurse not laugh, sob like a little baby and make her children eat cereal for dinner! Loser!!
Thankfully, I was able to hire my trusty and fabulous web designer to help spend the next 29 1/2 hours of the day working on it to make sure I could send you this little ditty today. Yea! (Thanks for the applause…you really don’t have to!)
So now that things are peachy keen and faux curse words don’t appear on my screen, I would like to announce that in addition to fixing this issue, I NOW AM ABLE TO HAVE COMMENTS AGAIN BY MY READERS!! And you know what would really make up for my really lousy day of neglecting my family and husband? I don’t know…a LOT of comments from you. Anything…okay smarty pants, please don’t type in “crap.” I am still wounded and that might not make me laugh yet. Give me a few days for that to be funny.
So how are you? Anyone get out of prison lately? Just kidding. I don’t want to hear about that either. I do, however, want to share with you my new way to get over the blues. My newest cure for “crap” in your life. Now I don’t know if any of you know about my past, but I grew up in the theatre **gasp**.
Shocker, I know! The drama, you all are amazed!!!
So I have a bit of a potty mouth which I have to edit stuff back in my big pie hole since my kids are of repeatin’ age. (Case in point: Munchkin #2 says in her play – “Strawberry Shortcake, damnit you need to be more careful where you leave your basket of berries!” in Lemon Meringue’s sweet voice. Not as cute when a four year old says it.
This sailor mouth of mine, I picked up in the theatre on the docks, therefore, I don’t have a problem reading a blog that at times is a tad “R-rated”; not in a sexual, porn way, but for the language. This new fav blog of mine I would like to share if you are not faint of heart. She is the funniest thing out there and I would love to give her more e-traffic!
Would you please give it up for…
The Bearded Iris!
She is a little hairy, but not really insecure about it, so don’t bring it up the first reading. I’d hate for her to be inundated with insults from NML readers!!
Now when I first think of winning a grand award, I automatically don a bad Italian accent and proudly spout out F-R-A-G-I-L-E in my best Darren McGavin voice from A Christmas Story. While envisioning pulling out that tacky fishnetted-leg lamp from the delightfully enormous wooden box of straw. “Now, THAT’s an award!”
But I guess my expectations have been marred by that movie since after winning two, yes you read me right, I said TWO awards were given to me this week…and I feel nothing. Not that I don’t appreciate the thought, the honor, the time and effort it took the people to choose me for these awards, but nada. I guess I want a big gaudy leg durnit!!
My first lovely award came from my past real estate agent who asked us to fill out some questionnaire regarding our experience with her. I’m assuming she drew our name out of a hat or possibly we were the only people who took the time to fill out the blasted form. But alas, I have been informed a $25 gift card is coming in the mail for some Panera on the eve of me giving up carbs (again), but I’m not complaining. IT’S AN AWARD!!
The second award came as more of a surprise. There was no paper work to fill out. I knew nothing of this before the day the email hit my inbox. And yes, I was flattered. Apparently, there are at least 50 funny nurses in the world who blog – who would have guessed that one? And even more of a shocker…I came in 2nd. Imagine my surprise at my rank! Yes, the ego can be F-R-A-G-I-L-E at times, but 2 awards in one week. Life is good! And in this heat, I’m going to go watch A Christmas Story for a good laugh!
Here is the link to my coveted honor…enjoy. First I’d like to thank the Academy…
