The Oh, Crap My Kid Knows How to Read Giveaway

I have always been a firm believer in not teaching your children to read until they are old enough to appreciate the dirty books you have in your bookshelf.

So I don’t know why I encouraged both of my girls to read – or even the alphabet – because by the time they finished Kindergarten, they were into Chapter books. Over achievers already? Great.

Many parents might think, “Shut up and stop bragging about your kids, why don’tcha!” But, honest, I am purely using this as a reference for my current household problem.

Studying the art of “fraternity humor” at a young age, I was introduced to some of the great comedians. I became a connoisseur of comic geniuses whose foul mouths and sarcastic quips drew me in more than Saturday morning cartoons.

Artists like:

The Van Gogh’s of cinema – Animal House and Caddy Shack.

The Seurat’s of television – Taxi, Soap and M*A*S*H

And I still love a funny book where the author isn’t afraid to let their vocabulary fly south. It’s when you appreciate a fine Pinot Noir, but on occasion all you really want is a Budweiser – and it’s as good as it’s gonna get!

So when my six year-old daughter started to nose around my office desk, looking for reading material; I knew it was time to put my stash up on the highest shelf.

Of course, when you forget and are reading a new hit parenting humor book, and accidentally leave it on your bed stand, conversations like this arise:

Munchkin #2 (age 6): Mama, I love your book.

Me: You read my book? (assuming she read “I Just Want to Pee Alone”) *Oh, boy!*

M2: It’s my new favorite. I love the cwappy baby the most.

Me: What did you say?! (M2 speaks with a slight lisp so I thought perhaps I heard her wrong.)

M2: I like the Cwappy Boy too. He’s so funny. I want to draw pictures of all my Cwappy Baby dolls and make a Cwappy book like that one. It’s Epic!

Me: It IS a funny book, but you can’t say the word “crappy” in public. It’s actually a naughty word. And you will get in big trouble if you say it in school or church, and definitely at GRANDMAS.

M2: Oh, I didn’t know.

(long pause)

M2: Do you think that Cwappy Papa looks like Daddy?!

Now Munchkin #2 did manage to get this one right. Amber Dusick the hilarious author of the book “Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures” not only snagged my child, but she continually hits home-runs with her humor in her popular blog.

So in honor of kids learning to read, and appreciating a good comedian when you see one, I am giving away a FREE COPY of her book to the winner of the contest.

And since I am in a giving mood – Paige Kellerman, writer of the intelligent and snappy blog, “There’s More Where That Came From,” has a new hilarious book, At Least My Belly Hides My Cankles: Mostly-True Tales of An Impending Miracle, which is selling like gang-busters.

Paige and I were on the morning TV show, Kansas City LIVE! this last Tuesday, and she is freakin’ hilarious and talented. Plus, her gams are longer than I am tall! After meeting her in person, I now love her more than my orthopedic insoles in my running shoes. (And if you think I actually run in those suckers, you be Krazy!)

So I thought I would throw in a copy of her book as well for spits and giggles!!

The winner will be chosen by Rafflecopter and I will announce the winner on this website on Friday, August 30, 2013 at 8:00am CST.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Good luck to you all!

And if you don’t enter the contest, please join me on my Nurse Mommy Laughs Facebook page – the Stacey Hatton one is boring (sorry) or Twitter if you get some urges!


Stacey

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New Year’s Resolutions are Coming Along

So if you are anything like me, New Year’s Resolutions are stupid. I can’t use that word in front of my kids, and sometimes you just need to say it. S-T-U-P-I-D!!! Yes, it’s fun to think you can stick with a goal for 12 months or maybe, like, forevah – but who are we kidding? Those resolutions are for doey-eyed, skinny bootied, innocent 20 year-olds, like Taylor Swift who think life is all roses, and that her flat hips will remain looking like that for… yes, I’ll say it again – FOREVAH!! Do you hear me singing out, Miss Swift? In 25 years after the breeding and the hormonal influx, you will look like this:


GIFSoup

Since I’ve been spending more time working “IN” lately, my gym membership…

(Note to my Doctor and husband: you may turn off the computer now. This post is over. Other readers may continue.)

…has been put on hold. I get up every morning and put on my workout clothes. I’m not talking about just putting on the stereotypical mommy wardrobe of yoga pants and a comfy tee; but I actually strap “the GIRLS” into a sports bra, put on my strong, over-drive deodorant and get ready to go workout. I am so ready to face it. Whatever “it” is because I’m starting to forget since it’s been so long. People, I’m talking a month! (Hubby, I said to stop reading. Please for the love of your warm dinner being prepared at night when you get home from work!)

But the more I talk to other moms about this, I realize I’m not alone. It is a constant battle of the bulge, or the budge me off my computer chair. I know if I head straight from school drop-off to the gym my odds are best for a workout – but February wasn’t my month for that, and so far March isn’t looking impressive either.

Gym

Amber Dusick, a fabulous blogger and cartoonist of, Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures, recently had a brilliant post titled “My Crappy Exercise Plan.” With her blessing, she allowed me to post it here for your enjoyment, but you have to promise to go look on her website. She is entertaining and has a book out which I’m planning on reading soon. I’m a BIG fan of hers!

crappy-exercise-plan

Here are many more of her “crappy” pictures (she said it, not me) for your enjoyment. And while you’re at it, she has a new book for sale, Amber Dusick’s Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures.

I would recommend reading it after you have finished this great anthology I heard about that just whooped Tina Fey’s “Bossypants.” Something about I Just Want to Pee Alone

So to all of us tough women who are able to diaper a baby in under 22 seconds with our non-dominant hand, while pinning down the dog and setting the DVR for the next Castle episode (yum), let’s all start working out instead of working in – together. Tomorrow. I am two episodes behind on Castle.

How’s your resolutions going peeps. Anyone still hanging tight? If you are I totally want to hear about it and I promise not to mock you!!

©2013 Stacey Hatton. All rights reserved.

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