If you are a close friend of mine, you already know I have made an untraditional “New Year’s” resolution, which happened to start sometime during the month of October. My goal was I was going to be able to fit into last year’s jeans, and not only zip them up…but be able to SIT DOWN IN THE FARBER-SCHNARBERS. I’m trying to give up swearing too, but that isn’t going well either!
As one can imagine, I am a social type of person who likes a full dance card; and you know since the holidays really start mid October and continue until one can’t move or breathe in their baggy sweat pants on January 2nd, I am facing an uphill battle.
The problem is becoming quite serious though because I am not going to buy another size higher from last year. I AM NOT!! But I can’t imagine standing until Valentine’s Day. My feet will be killing me!! And watching my kids opening their Christmas gifts while laying supine on the chaise lounge is not a pretty picture…no beached Shamu Christmas for me.
So when I started my “food life change” (not a diet, mind you) that is a taboo word for us 40-something women, I decided to increase my vegetable intake and cut out sugar. So I filled up the veggie drawer and purchased some yummy fat free dip and gave myself permission to dip away when the hunger bugs started chanting my name.
Well, I don’t know when those pesky “bugs” stopped chanting my name and started screaming “Snicker Bars!!” but I panicked. I moved the Halloween candy up to the top shelf of the kitchen where I would actually have to get a ladder to reach it. That should work, right?
The chanting continued. There were other types of candy in that mega bag of trans fat hell (see), but they were keeping their lips sealed – just those pesky Snickers. I think I even heard them laughing at me (hence the name, I’m sure!)
OK…don’t freak out. Have one. Then you can tell them who’s boss and be proud YOU are in control!
So I had four. Is that such a crime? They were mini’s and they don’t even count as a whole bar you would buy at the QT. The next step is to go to the computer to get my mind off of this. I solve all the world’s problems and my expanding waistband issues at the computer. Unfortunately, I am wearing jeans and I have to type while standing…but I digress.
By this point, my pants are cutting off all circulation to my legs, my back is tightening up and my feet are going numb.
That’s it!! I’m heading over to the neighbors with my bag of candy. She’ll hide it for me until the 31st. Until then, don’t bring me anything sweet or I might bean ya with a handful of broccoli, while donning my parka and shorts!