Tag Archives: Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop

Erma Bombeck’s true gift

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The Kansas City Star – April 26, 2012

Stacey Hatton Commentary

It was another classic April day in 2010.

The cherry trees were blossoming. I was searching in Lady Google Land for the next writing topic to suction to my eyeballs while my children were quietly demolishing art projects. My youngest was creating her “new family” with her medium of choice — ball point pen — on the freshly painted hallway walls, while my eldest was applying various shades of lipstick to the protuberances of her face and our white bathroom surfaces. Just another day…

Until my life took a dramatic turn when I discovered on a humor writers’ website that there’s a small conference in Dayton, Ohio, that only a few hundred people are allowed to attend: The Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop.

“Well, smack my head with a window pane and call me Dorothy! I’ve got to be a part of that,” I yelped to my children, who were ignoring me as much as I was ignoring them.

I quickly scrolled through the website for the event date and — horror of all horrors — the workshop had filled up the previous week and I couldn’t attend for two more years. Who does that? Erma Bombeck’s people, that’s who, because they offer it every other year! The inhumanity of it all.

(Erma Bombeck, for my younger readers or those who grew up in a cave, wrote a syndicated column that ran in 900 newspapers and a dozen books — nine of which made the New York Times’ bestseller’s list. Not too shabby, so they gave her a conference after she sadly passed away in 1996.)

I spent those two years waiting with my head held high and carried on like she would have wanted me to. Every day I got out of bed, I fed and dressed my children, I bathed myself routinely — and sometimes even before school drop-off.

But friends, last week I attended my first Erma Bombeck conference. I’m not going to name drop, but there were some fancy schmancy folk there. A high-larious comedienne who wrote for Bill Cosby, Lily Tomlin and Jim Henson’s people, (OK, fine, her name is Adriana Trigiani and she is brilliant!) did a stand-up routine after dinner one evening and had the audience rolling with laughter. However, in mid-routine, something unexpected happened to me.

During a huge laugh, tears streamed down my face like I had been presented a Pulitzer prize. (I was actually sitting watermelon-seed-spitting distance from people who had won that award.) For 48 hours I had bathed in Erma’s words from guest speakers, listened to her children speak of their dearly missed mother and peacefully took in the lovely essence of the experience. Then during a laugh of all things, a menopausal whoosh came over me, accompanied by tears. A Technicolor flashback dropped me into my childhood, when I used to visit my grandmother’s home.

MeeMaw had a spare bedroom with one lone bookshelf that contained the Holy Bible, various paperback romance novels that I was forbidden to read and a hardcover copy of Erma’s, If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Every trip to MeeMaw’s house when I got bored, I sneaked away to that bookcase and grabbed Erma’s book, inhaled each joke and maked sure not to laugh so loud I would get forced to rejoin the family reunion. I knew at first read that Erma was the funniest writer I had experienced. I also knew it was the only hardcover MeeMaw had purchased, so it had to have been special to her, as well.

Sadly, while MeeMaw was alive, there never was any true bonding between us, but here I was years after her passing, with tears for the relative who first introduced me to my favorite writer. At that moment I knew MeeMaw and I shared common ground and apparently some genetic code. MeeMaw would have loved to have joined me at that workshop. Now I know, thanks to Erma Bombeck, what I have in common with my MeeMaw. The love of laughter and great writers. What a gift!

Good thing I didn’t grab for those trashy romance novels instead. I would have missed out on so much brilliant writing — and last weekend would have been the pits!

Stacey Hatton is a pediatric registered nurse, writer and public speaker. Her humor blog can be found at http://nursemommylaughs.com.

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Bird is the Word: Contest for Erma Bombeck Workshop 2012 Entrants

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ATTENTION ALL 2012 EBWW ENTRANTS!!

**NOT affiliated with the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop or it’s staff**

(approved by W. Argersinger 2012)

Wanda Argersinger (an Ermie and “Dirty Bird”) owner of E.B. “Elwyn” Heron and a 2012 Honorable Mention Global winner in the Humor Category is offering the “SECOND ANNUAL E.B. Heron Contest” available only to attendants of this upcoming Erma Bombeck conference.

Stacey Hatton won the first contest held 2 years ago to guess E.B.’s middle name, but now another contest is on its way!  So Ms. Hatton is stuck publicizing the contest free of charge.  Part of E.B’s grand plan…

Attached is a photo of EB (Elwyn Bertrand) in his tux, the only one he owns as of today.  But wait, a new tux and other attire are currently being tailored just for him. As you can see in the photo his tux is black and has a red insert in the front of his cummerbund.

Now is your opportunity to guess what his new tux will look like. I can tell you when he was shopping for fabric he stayed within his clothing allowance. The fabric is at the tailors (Ms. Alba Garcia Trujillo) and should be ready in plenty of time for  EBWW 2012.
A special prize pack awaits the winner.

(E.B. Heron escorted by Rose A. Valenta)
Here are the rules:
1) All entries must be made via e-mail and sent to me at wanda@wandaargersinger.com
2) You must be registered to attend EBWW 2012 (and yes, I have a copy of the list) to be eligible to enter the contest
3) The tux contains at least 2 main colors (there may be minor colors but that would only be used to break a tie)
4) All entries must contain name, current e-mail address, and your guess written listed with main color and cummerbund color (Remember there are many shades of every color so be as specific as possible – light green and lime green are not the same colors. In case of a close call on colors Jody Worsham will decide  as she is the theater expert.)
5) Entries must reach me by 3:00 pm CDST on April 13, 2012.

Good luck and have fun.

Wanda Argersinger

To learn more of Wanda’s new e-book coauthored with Jody Worsham, “EB and the Ladies of the Bird Table Take Flight!”, go to http://www.amazon.com/Ladies-Bird-Table-Flight-ebook/dp/B007K0QSX6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1332369540&sr=8-1

E.B. Heron Annual Contest
2010 winner – Stacey Hatton, Overland Park, KS

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Objects Magically Disappear Over the Rainbow

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This is my Erma Bombeck Writers Competition 2012 essay entry.  Sadly, it was not a winner, but there is always 2014.  The talented winners entries can be found at: http://www.wclibrary.info/erma/winners_current.asp

by Stacey Hatton

A Midwestern morning downpour of tepid February rain was not what the doctor ordered for this perfectly quaffed mother at morning school drop-off.  In the past, I have been dressed and made-up for the notorious “screech-smooch-and-shove” a handful of times, but I’m more of a mid-morning kind of mom. However, this day was off to a roaring start.

Managing to hijack my children into the minivan an extreme 15 minutes early, so we could buy yet another “magical-disappearing” umbrella (the only variety I seem to purchase), was the first step.  Did I mention it had to be hot pink according to both my girls?

My strict itinerary was to drop off one soggy child at grade school, another dripping, shorter version at preschool, while tediously preserving my shellacked hair and perfect makeup for that once in a six-year opportunity…driver license photo renewal!

I had postponed this dreaded activity as long as I could in order to lose a few more pounds, to grow my haircut to the perfect length, touch up my roots, and ensure both children were at school with no signs of gastrointestinal distress or lurking mucus, so to not receive a call from the school nurse.

Arriving at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I ever-so-cautiously prodded open my pretty pink parasol, so as to not allow a drop of moisture to contact my head.  I strutted forth like a runway model across the parking lot in preparation for the best picture any mother of two young girls had taken in DMV history.

Are you are familiar with the meteorological term “microburst” – otherwise known as an intense downdraft of wet wind?  Because out of nowhere, this gusty Kansas rival forced himself onto my new pink friend and violated her in full view of numerous well-protected shoppers.

I started shrieking like a ninny, with my poor umbrella inside out, and began yelling at my children who weren’t even present; because obviously if I had bought the “adult” umbrella, this natural disaster wouldn’t have happened.

Somehow I was safely transported into the DMV resembling a deranged Dorothy Gale, with mascara smeared down my cheeks, hair soaking wet, and a once lovely blouse sticking to parts. I tried to primp a bit, but realized…what’s the point?  I’m a mom and this is my life.  So while fluffing and tucking, I headed in for my picture.  After all, I am without kids and how often does that happen?  Smile – Click…six year sentence.

And if you think I won’t be buying some “magical-disappearing” scissors before day’s end to shred that mangy photo, I have some ruby slippers to sell you!

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