Friday Funny’s: Laughter Rx
(a new website that is featuring Nurse Mommy in May’s issue)
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Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwiches are the Bane of My Existence
FRIDAY NML BLOG
Let’s just say there was a time in my simple young life, when an occasional PB&J would light up my face like any other child in the free world. These were easier times…happier times. An era when kids didn’t have to worry about much: just hop on the bike, head home from school, have a bowl of Cheez-its, watch an episode of Gilligan’s Island and then run back outside to join your friends to play whatever was going on in the neighborhood that afternoon.
Well brothers and sistahs, things have changed and I know I am NOT the first to tell you that!!! When my babies came into the world, my anxiety levels compounded like wart remover:
- “What am I going to do with these gi-normous breasts after they stop producing milk?”
- “Suppose someone tries to break into our house and take our infant, and I’m watching it on the baby video monitor, only to realize that the video channels are crossed and it is my neighbor picking up their child to give their baby a bottle in the middle of the night and mine is sound asleep and fine!!” (True story…happened to a friend!)
- “Or worse…what if my child has to sit at the dreaded PEANUT TABLE at the school cafeteria in grade school!” (This is not a joke…a real fear of mine and I say a prayer for every parent and child who has to deal with this allergy. Scares the living tar out of me!
Well, fast-forward six years and here we are – thank heavens – not at the peanut table, but in our own version of “peanut hell.” My child will ONLY eat PB&J for lunch. I know…Nurse Mommy can’t get her child to eat? Yes! Shut it. Either can other specialists and doctors, so there!
So we figured this would be a stage which would eventually pass, and with patience we would keep her eating healthily with fruits and veggies (which she loves), whole grains and dairy; and just not obsess about her obsession, while making her lunch for school.
Then the GREAT day came…duh, duh, dunnah!!!!!
“Mom, tomorrow I’m going to buy my lunch at school.”
(After almost needing a Depends a few decades early, I knew it best not to get overly emotional, or show any emotion, for that matter.)
“Sure. Whatever,” I agreed nonchalantly. “What are you going to get?”
“They have Peanut Butter and Jelly!!”
OF COURSE THEY DO.
(2012© Hatton, all rights reserved)
Overwhelmed is the Operative Word for Holiday Season
From Thanksgiving to New Years, it seems that every year gets more stressful. I know I said I was going to get the holiday cards out early this year like my one friend who I am totally jealous of because she is brilliant with time management and has her cards all signed and stamped by the time the red button on the turkey pops out.
This year, I yelled at the turkey button, jimmy-ed it with a sharp knife hoping that it was stuck so I could take the “stupid bird” out of the ONE oven which I intentionally decided to have (last house had 2…little spoiled, and regretting the decision to act like the rest of the free world). Note to self: Don’t invite 15 family members over 2 hours before meal is being served. They will ALL want to use your ONE stupid little tiny oven that you chose to have and that is where the turkey the size of the country by the same name is housed. But enough of that…
So how is your holiday shopping going? (pause) You’re done, are you?! How NICE for you! I am taking a 15 minute pause from my Christmas-ball-busting online shopping trip extravaganza to relax and vent!! No waiting in line for me. No shipping costs. No one trying to grab my purse in the parking lot at the mall…no sirree!!! I’m living large on Paypal and plastic. Can’t wait for that bill next month, but this way I am getting absolutely NO exercise and carpal tunnel in one fell swoop! I. Love. America.
I am also looking forward to when my children will actually tell people what they want for Christmas presents. Don’t most kids do this? I know I could rattle off a list to anyone who asked. In the grocery store, a nice elderly woman asked me, “Is Santa coming to your house this year, little girl?” “Yes, he is bringing me a Grow-up Skipper, a Baby Pees a Lot, an Easy Bake Oven….” That’s how it’s DONE!!!
How can my kids not know what they want? You’re probably thinking, “They have too much.” Which wouldn’t be too far off because it goes hand-in-hand with children who have birthdays right before Christmas. When my kid says, “Oh, Grandma doesn’t haven’t to give me anything. I can’t really think of anything I want.” Oh, yeah…let me tell Grandma that she can punt on Christmas this year. That will go over well!!
Well, my fifteen minutes are up, so I have to get back to shopping to make my December 18th delivery deadline!
Moment of reflection…I am a big whining schmoe. Sorry for the pity party when there are people out there who are robbing donut stores to get money to pay for food, heat and a roof over their heads. This actually happened here in town and guess what happened, the police that were in the parking lot, jumped the guy. If it weren’t so terribly sad, irony of the situation would be fodder for oh, so many jokes. Blessings to all those out there in need!!