While I’m looking forward to the first 2 ½ days of my precious puddin’ pies being home every day without their father to referee each battle, I know the sun will beat upon their brains and the constant sound of them talking and whining will cause THEM to go batty. No rigid school schedule and lack of peer-pressured discipline will do them in for sure.
I’ll be just fine, but I’m sincerely worried about the kids!
I know on Martin Luther King, Jr. day one year, I took them to school and no one was there since it was a holiday (as it SHOULD be!); and for a split second I thought about leaving them there since I had already packed them a nutritious sack lunch. I talked myself out of it and drove them home. But is that such a bad idea?
Don’t they have summer school anymore? Just because the school drop-off line consists just of one car doesn’t mean they won’t behave and perhaps learn a thing or two. I’ll even pack a lunch…with extra ice packs in them! I LOVE MY KIDS!!!
No, don’t worry we’ll be just fine. But if you see my minivan parked in the circle drive early in the summer morning in front of the school, please don’t just honk and wave.
I’m probably in need of an intervention.
Here is last week’s Facebook update:
Last Friday morning, 8:23am
This morning we are driving down the street to school and the truck in front of us has a duck head decal on the rear window. If I didn’t know the owner of the truck, I would have pondered with such low amounts of caffeine in my system, why on earth anyone would have such a thing on their window. But he is a master hunter of furry things that scurry or flock. We’ll call him Mr. Duck Flocker.
Well, I suppose it isn’t nice to throw stones at other peoples flocking duck decals when I have a rubber ducks harnessed to the top of my ugly, ugly, ugly, awful, pitiful minivan. I know I should be thankful for even having a minivan. There are women in Bahrain who would trade their last mama llama for my scratched up, stained van – so I should quit my scritching. Oh, you want to know WHY I have rubber ducks harnessed to the luggage rack of my van? Don’t most people do this?
I first wanted to make up for the fact I had to drive a boring mobile. I needed something that would make me laugh instead of cry at the fact I had given up my dignity and pride, since as long as I had known what a minivan was, I WASN’T GOING TO OWN ONE!
Back to this morning…Munchkin #1 sees the truck and knows her friend is in it and shouts, “FOLLOW THAT DUCK TRUCK!” Which I thought was really funny for M1 to come up with such a witty line. She’s typically so analytical and I love it when her creativity portion of her brain is stimulated and comes to life!!
It was at this point we realize there is a duck parade going down the street to their school. And we are in it. No one else is aware of this, but it is always all about us, right?! Then I hear whistling from M1 and a drumming noise from Munchkin #2 coming from behind my seat. This goes on for several blocks. Then…
M1: That beat totally doesn’t go with my music. You are messing it up!
M2: I’m the drummer, you are supposed to follow me!
M1: I started the duck parade music. You only followed to be like ME.
M2: I was trying to make it sound better!!!
Oh, how I hate it when my duck parade goes south.
Tuesday Evening, 6:11pm
Couldn’t find Munchkin #2 just now. Yelling all around the house searching for my kiddo who is always late. Can’t believe how late we will be for dance class now!! The hubby had to get involved in the hunt and then I hear a faint voice…
“Mom, What’s taking you so long?” Yeah, she was buckled in her seat the entire time. Glad I’m the one at fault here!
Friday Morning, 7:35am
This morning Munchkin #1 had a horrible time getting up. After dragging her buns down the stairs (not by her hair, but in a fun conga line, which she TOTALLY didn’t appreciate), she sat at the breakfast table with the stare of death. Apparently, she wasn’t happy with me getting her up out of bed. I’m clairvoyant when it comes to death stares.
Me: Blah, blah, blah…
Munchkin #1: Huh?
Me: Wah, wah, wah!!!!
She was never getting to school at this rate, so I had to pull out some of my old theater skillz and entertain the child into submission. Every morning I typically read the district’s school lunch selection for the day and M1 & M2 tell me whether they want school lunch or a lunchbox.
It went a little like dis…
Me: …and for the side dishes, a sack of chicks, baby crocodiles and fresh gorillas!
M2: (screaming) A sack of what?
Me: I don’t have my glasses on. I’m having trouble reading this. *giggles from the audience* Sack of chicks.
M1 & M2: NO!!!! (I’ve got ‘em in the palm of my hand)
Me: Wait a minute here. Oh, no…snack bag of chips. Sorry.
M2: What about the baby crocodiles?
Me: Yes, that’s what it says. Hold on, wrong again. Baby carrots. That sounds much better.
M2: (jumping in her seat) What’s the gorilla?
Me: Fresh GRAPES!! Goodness me, I’m going blind. But don’t worry kids, no animals were harmed in the making of your school lunch today!!!
Munchkin #1: (finally speaks) Except for all the animals that were killed for the hamburger and chicken patties.
My job here is done. Her brain is up and functioning beautifully! Boy, don’t you love kids?!
And that’s it for the first installment of…
FREAKIN’ FRIDAY MAMA DRAMA!!! ‘Cause with all females in the house, that’s a lot of estrogen!