Would someone be polite enough to tell me why America is obsessed with wrinkles? Whether they are on your face or your clothing, it’s a crazy obsession and I’m tired of it!Everywhere you go you see commercials for “wrinkle-free” clothing, fail-proof dryer sheets, retinol night face creams and body scrubs that will sandpaper off all of your imperfections. Who is the brilliant person who decided wrinkles are forbidden in our country?

In some countries, wrinkles on your face are signs of great wisdom. Do you think Gandhi would have gone for Botox or ironed his sheet before heading out in the morning? I think not! He had important things to do.

Mother Teresa had the face of an angel and she was not trying to hide her age. The busy “blessed” woman (one miracle from sainthood) had many wrinkles.

If I try to buff my face off or inject it with formaldehyde Botox, how would I ever look intelligent? I’m blond for heaven’s sake! I need some wrinkles to show off my brains. As you all know, wearing glasses increases your IQ and nerd factor, but not like crow’s feet or a good worry or laugh line.

WebMD lists 23 ways to reduce wrinkles. Now, I’m familiar with “50 ways to leave your lover,” but had no idea there were so many ways to physically close the gap in appearance with your children. Quoting the wise Paul Simon (musician, not politician) from the post-Garfunkel era, “Get yourself free” and get over it!

The experts on the previously mentioned website say:

•Avoid the sun and make sure to wear sunscreen.

•Don’t smoke and sleep on your back, but be sure to get enough sleep.

•Don’t squint.

Ever? How am I going to stop that when I’m doubting this advice and squinting right now?

WebMD adds, “Eat more fish, soy, fruits and veggies and trade your coffee for cocoa.” Coffee or chocolate. Now these doctors are just have pushed it too far.

And don’t forget to wash your face, but not too much; and use moisturizer, but the correct amount. Don’t they realize we are aging? How are we to remember all of these rules?

Then if you can’t get the aging process to reverse with these easy, healthy choices, they suggest you try dermabrasion, line fillers, chemical peels, lasers and if you aren’t tired of your face being burned or peeled off, you can join the ever-popular Botox fan club. Citizens of the U.S., I implore you: People magazine will not be chasing you around trying to get a photo shoot of your old, wrinkly waddle. No one cares!

How many of you are appalled by Hollywood, or the fashion industry, or whoever first insisted that having taut, firm skin and clothing is the only way to live? It just makes me want to put on my Stevie Nicks wrinkly peasant skirt, spin in a circle, and sing out to the world: Put down your iron! Put down your business card to that favorite plastic surgeon! And give up this smoothing obsession!

Next on my to-do list: research whether I can engrave “Fatally Allergic to Ironing” on a Medic Alert bracelet.