No animals were hurt in the writing of this blog

I am always up for a new experience, so when an elementary school teacher asked me to join forces with a local program to teach children about boundaries, I jumped in with all four paws.  Knowing I was a pediatric nurse, had a theatrical background and was often up for F-U-N, she so kindly thought of me as a stand-in for this educational experience.

“You will be dressed up as a bear, so the kids won’t be able to recognize you,” she said over the phone.  This wasn’t a problem for me.  I had nothing to hide, for kids tend to bring the silliness out in me and we have an understood appreciation for each other in that respect.  I reminded the teacher I had spent many years in costumes; therefore, this would not be a problem in the least.

So on the big day, I arrived 15 minutes early to meet with my partner in crime (aka the gal who knew what the heck she was doing) who graciously spewed out my role in 10 minutes and covered my body not in really what I would call a bear costume, but more like a full-on collegiate MASCOT attire!  We are talking a 2 ft x 2 ft head made of hard heavy material with two holes covered in screens to see out of.  Unfortunately, the noggin design was lacking in the breathing capability department.  Since this bear was only to nod “yes” and “no,” they apparently felt a breathing hole was unnecessary.  So guess what..?  I couldn’t breathe!

If you have been in a situation where you can’t breathe, for let’s say approximately 20 minutes, you are either dead or at least minimally hallucinating.  I, being the savvy nurse that I am, decided airflow is crucial to me not falling down in front of a room full of youngin’s.  So as to not totally freak out the kiddos, I kept jumping up in the gigantic Trojan head aiming my pie hole toward the light (aka the eye holes).  With this action I would suck in bountiful lungfuls of O2 to maintain lucidity as long as possible.

Do you know the Kool-Aid mascot has a full running fan operation inside?  Why do I know this?   I know people…and they talk.  But this bear wasn’t talkin’ or breathin’ and the main goal was to make it out of the room before this old gal fell flat on her face and scared the peeps out of these delightful children.

As the end neared, and I mean the skit, not me seeing a light at the end of the tunnel or such, I waved my four fingered paw with as much mustard as I could muster.  (Yes, the hallucinations were-a-coming) and headed to the door.  I heard the kids yelling what I thought were words of love and laughter and bidding me adieu, but they could have been reciting the National Anthem or singing trashy Katy Perry songs for all I knew.  But I was Audi!

Of course I signed up to do this next year.  I wouldn’t miss it!  Some famous bear once said, “Please, only you can prevent asphyxiation.” But let me tell ya…I’m gonna wear one of those camel pack water bags and have a small oxygen tank strapped to my waist to take hits off of during my show.  This new business is hard work!!

©2012, Hatton.  All rights reserved.

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