Mom Gets a Makeover and the Kids Go Wild

momneedsamakeover

I’ve been noticing my Munchkins (ages 7 and 8) commenting on my attire. I don’t know why they are just now paying attention to what I’m wearing because with the exceptions of wedding, funerals, and disco parties, literally I have been wearing the same outfit since 2005.

“I know this, how?” you ask. “After all, you are aging and blonde…”

Yes, that’s an astute observation, but my daughters are obsessed with watching home videos of themselves as babies. It was cute at first. There was a lot of “oohing” and “ahhing” the first 50 times we watched them; but I must confess, I never thought I would tire of watching my love-buckets on the screen.

BUT GIVE IT A REST, ALREADY!

So back to my killer wardrobe: it consists of black (no other color) yoga pants, and a v-neck t-shirt in a rainbow of colors! A little splash of color never hurt anybody, right?! Then I top it off with running shoes which mock me daily because running is never performed in this footwear. Truth is, when I run I am barefoot, on the beach and sound asleep.

I also should mention, depending on the season, I add a zippered sports jacket with pockets to keep the chill off during the day especially when I keep the thermostat brisk while the kids are at school. I’d hate to have a hot flash and not be able to remove a layer! Plus, you need those pockets for you cell and a handful of Chex Party Mix.

 

chexpartymix(photo by Chex Party Mix)

Last weekend Munchkin #2 decided I needed a makeover.

“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but Mom, you need a makeover,” she barfed out like I didn’t have an insecure bone in my body.

Don’t you love it when people say, “I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but…” and then finish with a hurtful comment, thinking it’s OK because they said they didn’t want to hurt you? If she weren’t my daughter, I would have kicked her in the knees.

We need to work on that lesson a little more, my child.

Unbeknownst to my hubby and me, M2 decided I needed a “date night with my husband.” Don’t you worry your pretty head because I’m almost positive she wasn’t saying I looked like I needed to “get me some.” I am looking forward to her teen years when her sassiness will go overboard and be horribly inappropriate.

Her plan was to get me fixed up for my big imaginary date. What harm could be done? My husband and other daughter were out for a few hours so she could perform her creative magic. She has been dabbling in stage makeup in some of her acting classes and wanted to practice her skills on her mother. How cute, right?

She sat me down in the bathroom and pulled out my makeup, and carefully applied my makeup.

Then it was time for the hair. I didn’t want to judge, but sheesh! How many products could this child use on my head? I didn’t want to impede her progress, so I sat there trying not to laugh or wince.

Munchkin #2 then went into my closet and found a dress she thought would be perfect for my date. She instructed me to put it on while she was going to make her parents something special to eat in the kitchen.

That should have been my red flag.

Half a pound of sugar, cake sprinkles, water and 2 large packets of lemonade, she had our diabetic sludge cocktails ready. Really, a box of wine and a straw could have sufficed, but I didn’t want to disappoint.

The garage door grumbled and I could hear my other daughter and husband talking as they entered the house. I sat primed and ready for my hot date to view his new beauty.

“Come into the living room, Darling! Your youngest has given me a makeover!” I gleefully announced.

“What happened to you?” asked my hubby.

“I got a new style!” I said giving him my sexiest pose.

As my PeePaw used to say, "Get a stick and kill it!"

As my PeePaw used to say, “Get a stick and kill it!”

“Well, give it back!” he said walking into the next room.

After ten years of marriage, I’m proud to say we still got it! And the great thing is…when questioned on my look – hubby wants me back in my old uniform.

Yoga pants it is!!

(previously posted on NML in October 2013)

Do your kids do this crazy stuff to you? What’s the weirdest costume or look they have done to you?

Summer Myths of Poison Ivy, Mosquito Bites & Sunburns

(first posted on Nurse Mommy Laughs May 2013)

Are YOU as Smart as Your Pediatrician?

Welcome to the game show Are You as Smart as Your Pediatrician?! Today’s contestant is Dr. Bryan Wohlwend from Priority Care Pediatrics. Are you ready to see if you are as smart as this pediatrician by answering these questions regarding summertime? We’ll find out soon if you know your heated facts or are you just caught up in the tall tales of summer. Let’s begin.

True or False:
1) Poison ivy is contagious.

False. The poison ivy plant contains a chemical called urushiol that causes the classic blistering rash. Luckily, the rash doesn’t contain urushiol, so it’s not contagious at all. Clothing can have the urushiol, so you should make sure to wash everything that was worn at the time to prevent a re-exposure. But you can be comfortable knowing that the rash itself is not contagious.


2) You must wait one hour after eating before swimming.

Nope! There is no medical reason to wait. It used to be believed that having food in the stomach would deprive the body of oxygen and cause you to get severe cramps (and thus drown) if you went swimming after eating. This is not true. However, regardless of when your child last ate, close supervision while swimming must be the rule.

Host

3) Scratching a mosquito bite will make it worse.

True. When a mosquito bites you, it injects saliva into your skin. This saliva causes your body to release histamine, which is the chemical that causes the redness and itching sensation. Whenever you scratch the bite, it causes the body to release more histamine and makes the bite even itchier.

4) Putting butter on sunburn will lessen the burn.

False. There is no evidence that putting butter on a sunburn lessens the burn. In fact, it could potentially increase the risk of infection. The best treatment for sunburn is to not get one in the first place! Make sure you are applying (and re-applying) sun block frequently.


5) Swallowing watermelon seeds is not harmful.


True.
While I wouldn’t recommend eating a lot of them, accidentally swallowing a few watermelon seeds is usually not harmful for kids. And it definitely won’t cause watermelon plants to grow in their stomachs!

As always, please contact your medical provider with any questions.

So are you disagreeing with the pediatrician right now? Can’t believe some of these answers? Or are there other family tricks you have used forever that you know work despite what doctors have told you? I’d love to hear what works for you and your family!

If you enjoyed this and please join me on Facebook or Twitter. I love comments and getting to know folks! Indulge me…you can chat me up on FB or here on comments. You will be my favorite!!

National “I Just Want to Pee Alone” Night Out – October 16th

Grab your sitter and get ready for this Wednesday, Ladies!

October 16, 2013 all across the United States, the first annual National “I Just Want to Pee Alone” Night Out is going to kick off in a city near you.

Jen of I Just Want to Punch You in the Throat created this national event after having a great response last year to a local Ladies Night Out with many of her readers. They were talking on threads about how it is hard to get out of the house when you are a mom and sometimes harder to make new friends outside of the carpool lane. And I don’t know about you, but some of those people can be Kray-zay!! (Of course not at my kids school…NOT!)

You have to take a look at how many cities are getting together for this. My last count was 32! I think there might even be some of readers from other towns who are hosting their own party because some of the towns I didn’t recognize as where the “Pee Girls” live.

Here is the post that Jen, our fearless leader (probably because she threatens to punch folks in the neck), wrote about last year, and it includes the contributing cities.

IJWTPA National Night Out

Check if there is one close to you and join in the fun, because every woman needs to find time to get a break the routine of life, hang out with some friends, and not have anybody watch her pee from the under the next stall!

Jen and I are hosting the Kansas City one. Come join us for some cocktails and laughs!

national night out infokc
Hope you take part and if you do make it to another city event, PLEASE let me know how it went. I want the dirt!!

Stacey

If you are the laughing type, you might swing by my Facebook page for spits and giggles.

Lookey, Ma I’m on the TV

This morning I actually got OUT of bed BEFORE the hubby. He looked so shocked and a bit scared by my bright, smiling face as he was just awaking.

What is she doing with real clothes on…and makeup? Who died?!

Then you could see on his face he remembered I was to appear on Kansas City LIVE! with three other fabulous bloggers to discuss kids, motherhood, and children going back to school.

Julie from “Bug Bytes,” Sherry from “Snarky in the Suburbs,” and Paige from “There’s More Where That Came From.”

The show was full of laughs, lights and hairy pancakes!

Apparently, before our segment the other guests were trying to adopt a pack of dogs and Chris Cakes was flipping pancakes around the studio. Good times.

So here is my “Who passed gas on the set?” face, to start off the segment. (I prefer to look like this so I get better throughout the taping.)

Snarky, wake that girl up!

Snarky, wake that girl up!



KANSAS CITY LIVE! (August 20, 2013)

If you enjoyed us, please let the folks at KC LIVE know here! Mentioning names is acceptable.

Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot Book is Outstanding

minivan meltdowns merlot

When I was approached to read Carolyn Coppola’s first book, the first thing I asked her “people” was, “Is that also the name of her blog? Because the title is brilliant!”

I got the response of, “Uh…No. Who are YOU again?” This tends to happen to me a lot when I speak, text or email.

Apparently, Ms. Coppola doesn’t have a blog, which I didn’t even know there were such people out there; but it’s true, so she actually has adequate time to focus on being a mom and a published author. What a novel idea. This “book writing” thing must be a new thing.

People I am here to tell you her book Minivans, Meltdowns & Merlot; which she wrote after having children – and I’m assuming were living in her house and distracting her and all – hopefully, is the first of many to come because this mothah can pen a funny story.

Not only does she seem to be a magnet for hilarious people (friends and critics), but she is has mastered the craft of silly mom antics as well. One of my favorite things about her writing is how she shares her relationships with her friends. From her best friend Chrissie who makes Lucy and Ethel look boring, to her trendy and neat-freak “gay friend Dave,” who hasn’t a clue what it takes to raise kids; these stories will make you shriek out at the absurdity of her life with them in it.

Another reason why I found myself drawn to her book is it’s so relatable to all women:

My favorite quote is “I’ve often found myself thinking about how useful a catheter and an IV drip of coffee would be.” I thought this gal must be a nurse! But no she just knows what it takes to get through the day with a gaggle of kids and no time for herself.

Carolyn has a refreshing writing style which is… she writes like a story teller. So many writers today have not either been taught this or just choose not to use this critical style. She has a beginning, middle and end, and she heightens the drama through each chapter so you NEED to know what happens.

cscoppola-1353511042_600

She also does not throw around profanity for gratuitous reasons. Yes, there are a few words here and there but you don’t hardly notice them because they are appropriate for the story and not just put there to get a rise out of the reader. I personally enjoy this style and know many other moms will too.

Nurse Mommy gives Minivans, Meltdowns and Merlot 4 suckers and 2 stickers for this great book!!!

It would be a fabulous summer read for any mom.

You can order yours here:

Minivans, Meltdowns and Merlot at Amazon