When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, and engineers wed goofy nurses then songs of their attraction show up in the newspaper.

Yes, this is the dawning of my newest brain explosion, a pivotal, mind numbing research project. I have discovered why there is an inordinate amount of wedded couples composed of engineers and nurses.

You scoff? Then obviously you have neither nurses nor engineers in your gene pool. All the readers who do are screaming into the other room that their theory has been all along correct.

Being a nurse, the basis of my research, I have found the majority of my co-workers are married to some type of engineer, and I’m not referring to Amtrak drivers. These left-brained nerds, who are excellent spouses, would be sporting pocket protectors and slide rules if they weren’t married to nurses. And let’s not even discuss their pre-wedding wardrobes.

When I began to attend engineering winter parties, I had the pleasure of meeting many of their lovely wives. Lo and behold, I discovered these fancy shindigs were the perfect place to have a medical emergency — nurses aplenty!

So why is this? What is this bizarre phenomenon? Nurses are by nature nurturers. (Say that fast five times!) And engineers need…help. They are brilliant, kind and gentle, but they are so smart they have difficulty getting “out of their heads.”

You know what I mean if you’ve met one. Just try talking to one for 10 minutes and watch the glazed look in his eyes. You realize he is off to some land of calculations, ground faults or something riveting involving M-A-T-H.

In my world “Pie Day” sounds like something fabulous involving flaky crusts, sweet, gooey centers bubbling over and most definitely topped with whipped cream. But these folks have a twisted version called Pi Day. No, that is not a typo. They celebrate pi, the endless 3.14-yada-yada-yada number. Annually. Here’s an engineering joke for you: “The area of a circle is calculated using pi and the radius of the circle, so pies aren’t square, they’re round!” Don’t worry, I didn’t laugh either. Bazinga.

So my theory has held true for 10 years. If you are a nurse who used your amazing sense of pi-dar — the ability to sense or attract an engineer within 50 meters — to lasso your true love in the school of engineering, please heed my advice: Make changes to the wardrobe slowly. The shock can be overwhelming. Perhaps try it during one of those trances.

When you need an engineer’s immediate attention, let’s say if the children are on fire, do not say, “The children are on fire.” Speak in a clear, firm voice, “Home Depot! Or electrical substations!” Only then will you be able to break through the spell to get his full attention.

Finally, never complain about power tools being purchased for the home. As long as he is not teaching your preschooler how to use them, you are in great shape. If something in the house breaks and you can’t fix it with hemostats and medical tape, you have your engineer as backup. They really are quite handy to have around. I wouldn’t trade mine for all the pie at Tippins!

Stacey Hatton’s humor blog can be found at http://nursemommylaughs.com

© 2012, Hatton. All rights reserved.