Secret Santas are bringing me down this holiday season

(previously printed in The Kansas City Star)

Thanksgiving to New Year’s has been getting more stressful as the years pass — the massive amount of preparation, the extended-family issues, kids in and out of school, the dreaded Christmas-card debacle, and the hours of shopping. Oh, the shopping!

Now, I consider myself a somewhat giving person. I prefer to give gifts more than receive. I love watching my children’s faces light up when I’ve picked out the perfect gift for them.

But it seems every year I have to turn over another page on my to-do list because the number of “mandatory” gifts have increased from the previous year. I realize that babies need to be born, new friends and spouses must join the list, and neighbors come and go — but does every Midwestern social group have to do Secret Santa gifts?

Until now, I’ve managed to keep my distaste for unnecessary gifting under wraps. I dodged the title of Scrooge or the Grinch Who Ruined Christmas for years, but a prophet (Cyndi Lauper) once said, “Don’t be afraid to let them show, your true colors. True colors are beautiful like a rainbow.”

(Dramatically pushing a soapbox to center stage, behind the microphone)

“Ladies and gentlemen, I simply loathe Secret Santa gifting! That is all.”

(End Scene)

There are enough fabulous gift-giving opportunities in our lives without adding on the umpteen-million bogus gifts. However, that doesn’t derail the happy gift-forcer.

First, you have the book club then your Bible study. Next, you have your husband’s office then your office. And don’t get me started on all the kids’ athletics team secret buddies.

Here’s your secret gift … surprise, you’re not getting one!

Bah, humbug.

Plus, who was the annoying, overachieving person to come up with this obligatory event? It wouldn’t be the CEO of a company, because they’re too busy for that nonsense. Perhaps a single, 20-something, who’s full of spirit, spunk and initiative? Not going to get my stamp of approval.

It was probably a bored or burned out administrative assistant.

Hmm … what would be a fun idea for Mr. Winter’s holiday party? I know! We should draw names, buy them a $5 piece of junk, and wrap it up like it’s worth something.

Furthermore, have you ever received a Secret Santa gift you can’t live without? Everyone knows junky gifts either go straight to the trash, into the dark abyss of a junk drawer, or it takes residence in the re-gifting hidey spot that no one ever admits they have.

You know you have one.

Actually, it might not be too bad to change Secret Santa rules a bit. How about bringing a $5 or less gift, but using only re-gifted items? This way you won’t be responsible for adding more junk to our houses, but just shifting the address of the gift for a year. It could work.

Until then, I’m off to “shop” for a few dozen Secret Santa gifts from my hall closet. Happy holidays to you and your loved ones! 

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