STACEY HATTON COMMENTARY

I am one of those phone calls that every police dispatcher or DMV receptionist dreads picking up. “Ma’am, you want what?” Then I repeat my inane question in another fashion, hoping it will make sense a second time.

It is at this point that I wonder whether using an exotic French accent or increasing my volume every other word would make a difference, but I usually talk myself out of that and politely ask to speak to a manager.

However, the problem remains: My questions are serious, and according to the aforementioned departments, have never been asked before. So either I am moronic or, as I like to think, creatively wired.

After my normal repartee with the phone triage person at Overland Park’s Police Department — who, by the way, is a lovely human being, and we should do lunch — I was put in contact with my buddy in O.P.’s Traffic Safety Department, Capt. Mike Imber. He doesn’t treat me like I am crazy for asking questions that every mother with multiple children has thought in the parking lot at the grocery store at some point.

I asked him:

“How can I get all of my children safely strapped in their car seats, get the groceries put away in the back and return the cart, without leaving my kids alone in the car or risking dragging them through the lot with cars whizzing by while returning the cart?”

Now I know all of you “problem solvers” are trying to figure this one out. It can be done easily if you do this, or have you thought of this?

But, Bucko, hear me out. Try it in the rain, or try it with multiple-birth infants, or give it a whirl with a posse full of ADHD kids ranging from 2 months to 4 years. It can’t be done. Only with a large supply of duct tape followed by a knock on your door from the division of children services, can you successfully manage this feat of iron.

So I pleaded with the law over the phone. Help us struggling mothers get through the day without anyone getting injured or incarcerated!

Capt. Mike found my question (once again) to be not so easily answered, so he referred to “the books.” And the most disturbing piece of information he discovered was this: “Minors should not be locked in an unattended car by any adult, unless such child has present ability to be released from such vehicle.”

Say what?

So, basically, if you securely restrain your infant in the car seat so she is not able to get out of the seat by herself, and then you walk away from the car, you are breaking the law.

If you strap your sleep-deprived, screaming toddler in his 5-point-harness car seat for him to chill out while you get the groceries in the back of the minivan in the pouring rain and lock the door because you are afraid he will get out of the harness and throw himself into oncoming traffic, and then you push the cart to the cart barn, you are breaking the law!

If you stow your smarty-pants preteen in the luggage rack above the vehicle and lock it securely with a padlock and key while you place your frozen items in a cooler so you can go next door to get a mani and pedi, you are breaking the law! (As a registered nurse, I am required by law to say I don’t recommend this.)

I guess the moral of the story is that you should watch out for those moms whose nerves are maxed out and for those who don’t have enough hands to grab onto their kids to get them safely from Point A to Point B. (I’m not recommending running up behind them and grabbing one of their kids and carrying them to the curb for her because Mama Bear can be ferocious!)

But if we all watch out for each other, take off the blinders, show some compassion and just stop to offer a few seconds of your time to a parent in distress, our community will be stronger for every helping hand. Our kids just might learn from these actions as well.